Parents now have better tools to watch over what their kids are seeing and doing

01:00 AM EDT on Sunday, May 15, 2005

BY LAURA MEADE KIRK
Journal Staff Writer

JoAnn Fede feels as if she's constantly on media alert: What are her kids watching on television? What are they doing on the Internet? What are they listening to on the radio?

"It's a lot of work," said Fede, whose three children are 11, 13 and 16.

She tries to run interference, but her efforts often prove futile:

She has parental controls installed on her computer to prevent them from accessing inappropriate Web sites. But her oldest son turns them off, because they prevent him from researching projects.

She doesn't let her kids buy CDs with parental advisories, but even songs they listen to on the radio can have offensive lyrics.

She doesn't allow television watching after 9 p.m., because "you don't know what's going to be on." But she still finds herself having to explain things like the Viagra commercials that pop up during favorite shows.

Fede, like many parents, feels helpless when it comes to protecting her kids against the barrage of media. Short of turning everything off, she said, "I really don't know what to do."

It's impossible to shield children from everything, said Patty Williams, an adjunct assistant professor of psychology at Providence College, and the mother of three children, ages 4, 7 and 9. "If I could put them all in a bubble, I would. But they're going to go outside of your home at some time and have exposure to things."

That's why it's important for parents to talk to their kids about what they're seeing and hearing "to address as much up front as possible," Williams said. After all, she said, it's better to have parents explain things than for their kids to hear it from "the kids on the playground."

THERE ARE SOME TRICKS AND TOOLS available to help parents reduce a child's exposure to things they see and hear -- from limiting the amount of time they watch television or surf the Internet, to buying software and other devices that can help screen some of the most offensive material.

Some Web sites, such as www.safekids.com, also provide a variety of tips and advice for protecting kids -- especially when it comes to the Internet.

Larry Magid, a former columnist for the Los Angeles Times, founded www.safekids.com in 1997 after hearing about the risks posed by children meeting adults in "chat rooms" on line.

He figured there needed to be a way to protect kids without having to "rip the modem out of the wall." The Safekids site is intended "to help parents protect their kids and at the same time protect freedom of expression and not resort to censorship."

The most important thing, he said, is to "talk to your kids about what's on line . . . . They are out in public, and there are people who are dangerous, and you need to gently and firmly remind them of that -- don't get caught with people you don't know."

On the other hand, he said, "Don't freak out and blame the child if they stumble into an inappropriate Web site. Discuss it, as opposed to punishing them for it . . . . There's a lot of give and take involved."

But there's also a lot of scary stuff out there, Magid said. The main thing to teach kids is that they should never give out their name, address or phone number online -- information that could lead other people to them. "The majority of people who are in any way hurt or molested or whatever are not snatched up in the middle of the night by some bad guy. They willingly agree to meet these people."

That's why parents need to talk to their children, to find out who they're talking to online. "It's not brain surgery. It's parenting," Magid said. ". . . Parents really need to be parents. They need to be aware. Even if their kids are technically savvy, that doesn't mean they're street wise or Net wise. Don't look at this as a terrible thing. It's an opportunity to interact with your kids."

LAWMAKERS ARE JOINING THE FIGHT as well. The Child Internet Protection Act already requires filters on computers in most public schools and libraries, and there is legislation proposed to increase fines for indecency on radio and television (remember Janet Jackson's bare breast during last year's Super Bowl?) as well as more controls over cable and satellite broadcasts.

But Steven Brown, excecutive director of the local chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union, said the government shouldn't be deciding what's appropriate for kids to see and hear. "This is a parent's job," he said.

"To ask the government, which raises our taxes and can't plow our streets well, to serve as parents for the entire nation is not a good idea," Brown said.

Williams agreed. "It's a parent's job to set some limits and parameters, based on a child's age" -- even when they're teenagers. "It's still your job, just as it's still your job to set a bedtime or a curfew . . . . You still need to be very carefully monitoring things, to know what's going on in their lives."

Fortunately, many cable, Internet and software providers know parents are concerned. So they offer an arsenal of tools designed to give parents a little more control. Amanda Rider, a spokeswoman for Cox Communications, said her company has even developed a special program called Take Charge that includes a Web site (www.cox.com/takecharge) and newsletters that provide tips and advice for monitoring use of the Internet, television and telephones.

Here's a look at some of the other tools out there:

RADIO: There's not much out there to block what's on the airways. The Federal Communications Commission sets certain standards of decency that must be met, including no obscene, profane or indecent language. But some radio stations continue to test the outer limits of those standards. And beware: Some satellite radio stations offer uncensored broadcasts that aren't under FCC control.

CDs: Compact discs with questionable content are marked with parental advisories, warning that some of the material may not be suitable for younger audiences. Some stores, including Wal-Mart, sell "edited" versions of these CDs with music that complies with the FCC standards for on-air broadcasting when it comes to obscenities, profanities and indecency.

TELEVISION:

The FCC censors what's allowed over regular broadcast stations, prohibiting obscenities, profanities and indecency. But definitions can be liberally interpreted.

The V-chip, which by law has to be installed in all TVs 13 inches and larger manufactured after 2000, allows parents to block access to all programming of certain ratings: Y, suitable for children; Y-7, suitable for older children; G, suitable for all audiences, but not necessarily children's programming; PG, parental guidance recommended, may not be suitable for young children; TV-14, not suitable for children; and TV MA, aimed at mature audiences.

The FCC doesn't control what's available on cable television.

CABLE AND SATELLITE TELEVISION:

The beauty of cable and satellite television is the ability to offer hundreds of channels, stations and movie options. The downside, of course, is that the programming ranges from G- to X-rated.

Cox Communications and Comcast, two of the largest cable providers in the region, both offer cable boxes that come with easy-to-operate, built-in parental controls that are free to use.

Parents can create a code that will block access to specific programs, movies or channels. There's also an option to block all shows with certain ratings.

Be sure to check what's available under these ratings, to avoid surprises. Dr. Phil, a psychology advice program, for example, is considered PG even though some topics may not seem appropriate for younger audiences. On the other hand, many Discovery, History Channel and Travel Channel programs are also considered PG or TV-14, even though the programming may not seem offensive. That said, it's easy to override the parental block by using a personal identification number parents pick when setting up the parental controls.

People without cable boxes also can ask that specific channels be blocked from their cable service entirely, said Marc Goodman, a spokesman for Comcast. But there's no way to unblock that service from inside the home.

DirectTV also offers a variety of parental lock options, from limiting the number of hours the television can be used to blocking ratings or specific channels and movies. That company even has a system for setting spending limits on pay-per-view shows.

INTERNET:

Pornography sites aren't the only things parents have to worry about when it comes to the Internet. Chat rooms, instant messaging and "cyber bullying" are also major concerns for families these days.

"Kids get into fights at school and take it out on each other in instant messaging, or by putting up Web sites. Kids have been suspended from school for [threats via] instant messaging and putting threats on Web sites," said Peter Ferioli, general manager of Net Nanny, a California-based software company that offers Internet security software.

One of the easiest ways to monitor computer use is by making sure computers are in public areas, such as family rooms, so parents can check what their children are doing, Magid said. (Many cell phones can be used to access the Internet and communicate online as well, he said. And there aren't many controls available for them.)

An increasing variety of software is available to help parents control the amount of time children spend on the Internet, as well as block inappropriate Web sites by age or topic. Some Internet service providers offer parental controls at no cost, while software programs average about $30 to $40.

Cox and Comcast, which both offer high-speed Internet connections, offer free parental controls that allow parents to restrict the times when Internet access is allowed, and to block, by age or content, specific sites.

If you have Windows XP, you have a free Microsoft parental control program.

None of these systems yet controls access to instant messaging -- a nemesis for many parents. (For Macintosh users, Apple's Tiger (OS X Version 10.4), released April 29, promises that controls for instant-messaging are included free with the software upgrade.)

So parents who want their children to be able to use the Internet for their homework but want to block their ability to instant-message their friends during this time will have to buy additional software.

The Cybersitter parental control software program ($39.95, www.cybersitter.com), one of the top-rated by computer magazines, provides some controls over instant messaging -- from preventing all use of instant messenging to recording entire conversations, according to Marc Kanter, marketing director for that California-based company.

"It doesn't control who the kid talks to," Kanter said. "The parent needs to make sure that those individuals online are exactly who the kids believe they are -- that they're their friends, and not somebody pretending to be their friend or wanting to be their friend."

Net Nanny ($29.99 in stores or $39.95 at www.netnanny.com), the other top-rated parental control software, doesn't have any filters for instant messaging. But, like Cybersitter, it can be programmed to block certain Web sites -- based on keywords or age ranges -- and it provides separate controls for different users, each with his or her own password. These products also can control access or prevent access to chat rooms, specific files, games and site haring, such as illegal music downloading sites that can result in your child being sued.

These programs, like those offered free from cable Internet providers, also can limit the times of day that children are allowed to access the Internet.

ComputerTime ($39.95 at www.softwaretime.com) goes a step further -- it controls the amount of time a child can spend on the computer at all.

Joe Acunzo, cofounder of the Branford, Conn., company, said the software can be programmed to allow each child a certain amount of time on the computer each day -- whether surfing the Internet, instant messaging friends or playing games. This can prevent a child from spending too much time at the computer, and can prevent arguments over who got to use the computer longer.

This program doesn't offer any blocking, but can be used in conjunction with other filters, Acunzo said.

With all of these programs, it takes trial and error to determine what types of blocks will work best for your family -- while still allowing children to access sites they need to research school projects, play games and communicate with friends. For example, if you're blocking content that's inappropriate for preteens, these children may not be able to research certain history and war sites because of the content there. But again, the parental controls can easily be overridden -- when the child asks for help.

Many of these software and Internet services, including Comcast, also provide e-mail updates of all online activity from a given computer. But even with these tools, parents need to keep on top of their kids online, Kanter said. "There isn't any software that's going to be a parent. A parent needs to be parent and needs to take an active role" in keeping children safe on the computer.