The Power of Words. A farewell to high school grads

5.30.98
A farewell to high school grads

BY M.J. ANDERSEN
Journal Editorial Columnist

       A FEW WEEKS AGO, my best friend from high school called in a mood of misgiving. She had been chosen to address the graduating seniors this year in our hometown, and she did not know what to say.
       "That's easy," I said. "Just say: 'Go forth.'"
       I remembered "go forth" because some years back, the columnist Russell Baker had reported saying it when he addressed graduates at Harvard. Though essentially senseless, "go forth" has a classic ring. It is like "Godspeed," and "from everlasting to everlasting."
       The trouble with "go forth," Russell Baker noticed, was that it seemed inane when he gazed out and found himself locking eyes with Ezra Pound, one of the day's honored guests.
       Go forth, Ezra Pound. Did Ezra Pound need this?
       As Colleen and I pondered, I tried to think of what I might have liked knowing at that age -- perhaps something I found out later, the hard way. For instance: It actually is true that high school is every bit the unrelenting nightmare it seems to be at the time. But is graduation day the best time to unfurl the news? Isn't a slow dawning that ends in grim certitude at the age of 36 or so better?
       A safer alternative might be to give advice about college. Possible examples:
       1. You will have no money, ever. Thus, never turn down free food.
       2. Avoid "mixers."
       3. Always put a copy of the day's paper at the bottom of your closet so you will know the age of the accumulated laundry pile.
       4. Bring earplugs. (You will not believe how loud someone's stereo can be, or how committed he will be to demonstrating the fact.)
       5. The engineering students are the easiest dates to get. They will leave college with better starting salaries than you. This is their consolation for your having chucked them to pursue someone majoring in film.
       But perhaps college wisdom comes soon enough. Perhaps, for a graduation speech, it would be better to plunge straight into the world of adult lore, and pass along the main insights:
       1. That is a wrinkle, henceforth. Further, there will be more. Many, many more.
       2. Most babies, when smiling, are pooping.
       3. When you refinance, always ask for a complete escrow history.
       4. You should have started saving for retirement much earlier. Even then, it would have been too late.
       5. Bran flakes.
       6. Stop beating yourself up for not sticking with engineers.
       Poor Colleen.
       Maybe it's just too difficult. And maybe the reason that it is so hard to address high school graduates is that nothing is really adequate to the moment.
       Immature these people may still be. But they are leaving childhood behind, once and for all. No transition is ever as great, or as lonely. After this, they will never quite feel at home. In fact, they will always be vaguely searching for the home they are about to leave.
       It gets worse. As long as they are still in high school, young people can lean on their promise. After graduating, they must start making mistakes. They will have to push past the wrong turns and learn, gradually, to make peace with limitations.
       They are entering a world in which it will be much harder to measure how they are doing, particularly once they are out of college. They will have to develop an inner compass, and find the courage to run their own race.
       Within themselves, by themselves, they will have to work out what freedom, meaning and faith are, since there will be no one, anymore, to give them an A.
       They will be relieved to find that the social enslavement of high school ends, dismayed to see that it only gives way to the economic enslavement of work. There will be constraints they never dreamed of.
       No wonder they are irritated with everyone around them. What seems like an impatience to flee is actually the agony of encountering the Rubicon. They must cross; they must separate. The long summer ahead only amplifies the pain. They wait on the bank for three long months, bored, enraged and heart-broken.
       There is "Pomp and Circumstance," and then this endless interval with bags half-filled. Inside are the graduation gifts: a wallet, a Walkman; hotpot, dictionary, thesaurus, sheets; a sweater for the fall; an alarm clock. For now, it is just stuff. In the dorm, these objects will constitute home.
       Do's and dont's for parents:
       DON'T: Give the kid a credit card.
       DO: Give her your calling card number. She will call and itemize her worries, leaving you heavy with concern. What you will not see, after her unburdening, is the miracle of lightness that occurs. She hangs up the phone and is suddenly able to pick up her tent and move on.
       She goes forth.
       She will learn who she is and is not. She will get lost, backtrack, resume the trail. There is not much more you can tell her, or tell any student leaving high school this spring.
       Except best wishes; congratulations. And don't forget the way home.

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