The Power of Words. Beating stress the 8-fold way

11.7.98
Beating stress the 8-fold way
By M.J. ANDERSEN
Journal Columnist

       I HAVE BEEN READING lately about Buddhism, which, like all great religions, hits the nail on the head any number of times. For instance, Buddhism says that five main obstacles stand between human beings and an enlightened mind. They are: craving; ill will; sloth; restlessness; doubt.
       The first time I read this list, it sounded familiar. Pretty soon I realized that the five obstacles were the classic symptoms of premenstrual syndrome, minus the bloating. Why men should go through variants of the same thing probably only a few yogis know. But Buddhist wisdom suggests that they do.
       Anyway, I bring up Buddhism because of a recently completed study concerning stress in Americans' daily lives. Buddhist wisdom includes some handy tips for dealing with stress, and if the study is correct, a lot of us could use the help.
       As reported by the Arizona Republic, the National Study of Daily Experiences surveyed 1,500 people in 48 states. The subjects, mostly people in midlife (ages 40 to 60), were telephoned for eight consecutive days and asked how things were going.
       Just about everybody was around the bend. "The daily lives that Americans endure are disturbingly stressful," concluded David Almeida, the thirty-something lead researcher, who is based at the University of Arizona.
       Still, 8 percent of the respondents, about 120 people, said they experienced no stress. This seems hard to believe at first. But occasionally, you do meet such a person. The most tempting explanation usually is that the person simply does not understand the situation. But another possibility is that these 8 percent are somewhere on the road to enlightenment, which means nothing fancier than that they have things pretty much in balance.
       Somehow, they have learned to get past the things everyone else is having such a hard time with, including money stress, although actually, money was not the top worry of most participants in the study. (Way to go, Mr. Greenspan!)
       Money was only Number 6. The top source of stress was: others. That is, arguments or disagreements with others, whether at work or at home.
       I imagine the interviewers got an earful in this area. "He always . . . she always . . . no matter how many times I . . . so controlling . . . never listens . . .in denial . . . why do I stay . . . what a jerk."
       In fact, more than 16 percent of all the stress reported was due to others. Next came worries about another person's health, and then work overload, or lack of time.
       What does Buddhism teach about such things? I have to say, I get confused. Everything in Buddhism is numbered. Along with the five obstacles mentioned above, there are the Four Noble Truths, and the Eight-fold Path to Enlightenment.
       If you were never much of a math person, you can easily get lost. But the main idea seems to be: Do not get too attached. Not to any object; not to an idea; not to any person you love.
       The last is especially hard for Westerners to grasp. But if you think of it as selfless instead of selfish love, the notion is more digestible. It is similar to the old advice from high school: Don't cling. Remember how many relationships ran aground out of clinginess? And remember how, when you stopped clinging, that didn't work either?
       The spiritual exercises of Buddhism are compatible with other faiths, and worth looking into as potential stress busters. But meanwhile, the most interesting thing about the study on stress was not that it was out there, or even that it was epidemic. It was that the people participating felt bad when the study was over.
       No one else was really asking these people about their lives. And they found out that they liked being asked. They wanted to tell someone about their computers crashing; their partners who wanted too much sex (or too little); the lousy haircut they got that day and now how could they leave the house?
       There had been close calls on the highway and long searches for a parking space, topped off by a showdown with the kid, who refused to eat peas; in fact, the kid stood on his chair and bellowed, like one of those devil children shown nowadays on Sixty Minutes, because the Cold War is over and they are short of threats to report.
       Does this sadness over the end of the study — of the interviewers' calls — mean that Americans are not talking (or listening) to each other enough — that too many are too isolated? The researchers thought so.
       Or is a telephone interviewer — interested in every detail of your life, all of it new — the midlife equivalent of a first date? Maybe stress is not so much the enemy as routine, and the loss of freshness and novelty that seems inseparable from middle age.
       Maybe the interviewers did not go far enough. At the end, they should have told midlifers: You've tried college, home ownership, dinner out and trips to France; now, why not try the eight-fold way?
       The facts of daily life might not change much. But you would get a different discussion, and an entirely different report on how we live now. Researchers would hear, for instance, about the butterfly that landed on the hood of the car that day and just sat there, its wings the legendary orange.

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