01:00 AM EST on Sunday, January 16, 2005

BY FAYE B. ZUCKERMAN
Journal Staff Writer

Jyothi Nagraj and Seth Marbin told wedding guests to arrive in Providence prepared to roll up their sleeves and perform manual labor.

The day before the couple exchanged vows on June 26 at Colt State Park, 90 friends and family arrived at the Southside Community Land Trust's Urban Edge Farm in Cranston. They came armed with bug repellant, sunscreen and plenty of water.

They divided into groups and were dispatched to various jobs around the farm, which donates food to Amos House and offers price breaks to low-income families. They pulled weeds, planted seeds and started bonding with each other.

"Seth and I knew that this would became a meaningful way for people to make connections," said Jyothi, 30, a third-year student at Brown University Medical School. "When Seth suggested a day of service, it resonated with me."

The couple met while doing community service at City Year, a national volunteer program that steers young adults into community service. They saw an opportunity "to mobilize a large and wonderful group of people," said Seth, 27, an undergraduate at Brown University.

"I think people were skeptical. None of our friends has ever done anything like this before," said Jyothi, who had been executive director of City Year in Rhode Island. "They must have been rolling their eyes and saying to each other, 'Jyothi and Seth, what would you expect?' "

To them, it went off without a glitch. It was exactly what they wanted for their celebration of commitment and community. Family and friends bonding, and those less fortunate benefiting.

In keeping with their mission to mix nuptials with charity, the couple asked that guests who wanted to buy them gifts instead make a donation to City Year or the Human Rights Campaign. To appease guests determined to buy them something, the couple registered through idofoundation.org, where 8 percent of the dollars spent on gifts go to charity.

The so-called good-cause wedding has been gaining in popularity since about 2001. Some experts say it was fueled by the 9/11 tragedy.

They believe the social conscience of our country has shifted. According to a Cone Roper poll, nearly 80 percent of the buying public said they switched brands because of a company's stand on a political or social cause.

But it may also have to do with simple practicality. Not only are couples marrying later, it's estimated that 60 percent of couples live together before tying the knot. They already have many of the items traditionally given as gifts, from blenders to knife sets, sometimes in duplicate. So some couple are embracing giving instead of getting.

COMBINING NUPTIALS WITH CHARITY has recently become more sophisticated than just donating leftover food to a nearby food bank after the reception. Through Web sites, such as the idofoundation.org and justgive.org, brides and grooms can make donations in several different ways to most any cause.

Justgive.org takes charge of a database of about one million charities. Engaged couples can designate money to local organizations such as a school, a library or a nearby humane society.

"This is new money going to a charity. It's money couples wouldn't give otherwise," said Colleen A. Patrick-Goudreau, senior creative director & nonprofit liaison of the San Francisco-based Internet service, justgive.org. "It's the fastest growing part of our Web site. We have seen couples from all different demographics signing on."

Idofoundation.org, which launched on Valentine's Day 2002, is a full-service operation for the newly engaged who are socially conscious. Couples pick a charity (about 50 are offered). Then they set up a gift registry, create invitations, make honeymoon plans and buy party favors. A percent of the dollars spent on everything at idofoundation.org ends up at a favorite charity. (Ido has partnered with merchants such as Target, Amazon.com and Linens-N-Things to see that 8 percent of each gift's price is donated.)

In addition, the Web site has a wedding dress donation program. "We collect used, and sell them on consignment. The proceeds go to charity," said Bethany Robertson, executive director of idofoundation.org, based in Washington, D.C. "The average nuptials cost $22,000. This means brides have control over incredible buying power."

There are an estimated 2.4 million couples saying "I do" each year. "Imagine if each one of them gives a tiny bit to charity what a difference it would make," she added.

ROBERTSON, WHO IS SINGLE, developed idofoundation.org when her peer group started tying the knot. She noticed a "disconnect" between how her friends were celebrating and what was being given back to the community.

"Instead of giving us a trinket as a party favor," she asked, "couldn't we receive a card that indicated a donation has been made in our name?"

She added that when one of her friends added charity to tying the knot, others started doing the same. "Weddings are viral," she said. "If you go to one where they are doing it (donating to charity), then another one does it."

Kara Thorvaldsen, 27, a judicial clerk at the Rhode Island Superior Court, and her husband, John Wayne Pint, 25, an attorney in Boston, came across the idofoundation.org while doing research on the Web. It was where they got the idea for their party favors -- a card for each guest stating a donation in each guest's name has been made to Doctors Without Borders, a Nobel Prize-winning aid agency that sends volunteer medical personnel into some of the world's most distressed areas.

"Everybody thought it was a good idea," she said. "To us, it was such a meaningful gesture, and a better use of the money."

Barrington's Rosemary Paris Colt, a teacher at the private Gordon School in East Providence, and her husband, Clear Channel's Jim Corwin, put a card inside their invitations asking guests to donate to the Kid's Cafe at the Rhode Island Community Food Bank. The couple tied the knot at Thanksgiving and wanted to share their good fortune with those in need.

"We both had been married before and we each had plenty of stuff," she said. "I would recommend giving to charity."

With all the hubbub around nuptials, the couples agreed that it was donating to a cause that kept them focused and grounded.

Other socially conscious Web sites, in addition to idofoundation.org and justgive.org, include:

marriedforgood.com

organicweddings.com

theglassslipperproject.org