Soccer fans refer to their favorite sport as “the beautiful game.”

But beauty, as we all know, is in the eye of the beholder.

I came off the golf course Sunday in time to watch the second half of the Confederations Cup final from South Africa and, wow, was it ever ugly.

At least from an American standpoint.

And is there any American who doesn’t think it’s always about us? Or the U.S., as the case may be?

Rest assured, had Spain been playing Brazil in the final, I would not have tuned in. Just as, I expect, folks in Barcelona or Buenos Aires don’t start singing “Olé! — Olé, Olé, Olé!” over the prospect of watching the NFC and AFC championship games.

In the world where soccer is king, this surprising meeting between perennial power Brazil and the upstart United States in the Confederations Cup final was a very big deal.

Not World Cup big, mind you. Maybe not even European Cup big. But, certainly, much, much bigger than the MLS Cup. Of course, now that world-class soccer is readily available on American television, even unsophisticated soccer fans recognize that Major League Soccer is, well, not exactly “major league.”

The Confederations Cup, on the other hand, is most definitely major league, big-time world-class soccer.

And so it was noteworthy that the U.S. reached the championship game — its first-ever FIFA final.

It took a perfect storm for the U.S. team to advance even to the semifinals. Having lost to Brazil in their opening match, 3-1, and then being blown out by Italy, 3-0, in their second, the Americans needed to beat Egypt, the African champions, by three goals while also hoping that Brazil would trounce Italy by the same margin.

There seemed about as much chance of that as Tom Brady leaving Gisele Bundchen for Ugly Betty.

But the improbable happened. The U.S. rolled over the Egyptians, 3-0, while the Brazilians embarrassed the Italians, 3-0, and the Americans found themselves in the semifinals, where they stunned Spain, 2-0.

Even more shockingly, they led Brazil by that same, 2-0 score at halftime of the championship final.

Which is when I tuned in.

Unfortunately.

Because, in the second half, the Americans looked like a high school team taking on a college team. Or, what American soccer teams used to look like when they played more talented, international sides.

And it was as bad to listen to as it was to watch, what with the constant, swarm-of-bees-like buzzing of those obnoxious horns being blown throughout the game. Fingernails across a blackboard are soothing, in comparison. The CIA should take notice. With water-boarding out of favor, they ought to consider extracting information from detainees by forcing them to watch tapes of scoreless soccer games while vuvuzelas, as the horns are called in South Africa, are played nonstop at high decibels. There isn’t a person on the planet who wouldn’t crack within a few hours.

Being up, 2-0, at halftime in soccer is like being ahead by at least 17-0, or even more, at halftime of an American football — which is to say a real football — game. In which case, the U.S. resembled the Detroit Lions in the second half Sunday, while the Brazilians looked like the Patriots.

Throughout the final 45 minutes, the action was almost entirely in the American end of the field. The final score was 3-2, which didn’t include a Brazilian goal that should have counted, but didn’t.

That said, goalkeeper Tim Howard was one of the few bright spots for the U.S. team, along with goal-scorers Clint Dempsey — who was named the top player in the tournament — and Landon Donovan.

After the game, an announcer with a British accent asked Donovan what reaching the final meant for American football. I expected him to answer: “Nothing. Now, as for what it meant for American soccer ...”

But that bit of wry humor would have been too much to ask following a disappointing defeat.

Nor was the loss all that’s disappointing for soccer devotees.

The national TV rating for the game was 2.7, which was slightly less than the 3.0 garnered by that afternoon’s NASCAR race, but better than the miniscule 1.0 rating for the tennis at Wimbledon.

In comparison, the Patriots had a rating of 33.2 for a Sunday afternoon game against Pittsburgh last season. Their Sunday night game at Indianapolis had a 27.5 rating, while their Thursday night game against the Jets in Foxboro had a 26.2 rating.

While the Patriots play to packed stands at Gillette Stadium, the New England Revolution draw sparse crowds.

And it’s not as if, on Monday, the airwaves of local sports-talk radio were filled with chat about how the U.S. blew its chance to beat Brazil.

The fact remains that, even after more than three decades of millions of American kids playing youth soccer, the “beautiful game” still fails to attract world-class athletes in this country. While the best athletes in places like Brazil, Spain and Italy gravitate toward soccer, American kids would rather star in football, basketball and baseball. Or hockey, or tennis, or golf, or even, increasingly, lacrosse.

If beauty is, indeed, in the eye of the beholder, then American sports fans — and top athletes — still, after all these years, don’t find soccer all that attractive.

jdonalds@projo.com