Senator Specter needs help.

Oh, boy, does he ever need help.

Helpful soul that I am, I am going to give him a hand.

He wants a “transparent and independent” investigation into Spygate? Well, I’m certainly independent, and I’ve been told many times that I’m transparent.

He insists that the NFL “has not been objective” in its probe of Spygate — the New England Patriots’ illegal videotaping of opponents’ signals. Objectivity is my middle name. (In the interest of full disclosure, Senator, it’s actually William. But you get the point.)

“If you cheat in the NFL,” Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa., said Wednesday in high dudgeon — or, more precisely, on Capitol Hill, “you can cheat in college, you can cheat in high school, you can cheat on your grade school math test. There’s no limit.”

You can even cheat in the Oval Office. Just ask former President William Jefferson Clinton to air his dirty laundry. Or Monica Lewinsky’s, as the case may be.

The Boston Herald may soon be claiming that Matt Walsh has videotape of that workout, too, but that’s another matter.

Our focus, like Senator Specter’s, is on Spygate. Not on $4-a-gallon gasoline, the housing crisis, the fact that credit is tighter than a model’s pair of designer jeans, or that American soldiers are fighting, and dying, in Iraq and Afghanistan. Spygate — that, the senator says, is where our attention belongs.

So let’s clear up a few points that have Senator Specter all atwitter.

Walsh told the senator that, during a preseason game in 2000 — Belichick’s first year as head coach of the Patriots — he was told to film the sideline signals of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who would be playing the Pats again in the season-opener.

It’s worth pointing out here that, in baseball, when a runner reaches second base, the catcher changes the signals he gives to the pitcher.

Yet Senator Specter believes a pro football team would use the same signals they used only a few weeks earlier against the same opponent.

Knowledge of the Bucs’ defensive alignments, said the shocked Senator Specter, enabled the Patriots to use a “no-huddle” offense, thus preventing the Bucs from making adjustments.

Bulletin, bulletin! The Patriots frequently use a “no-huddle” offense, primarily to prevent situational substitutions by the defense, but also to get the tempo of the game to their liking. And, oh, yeah –– because they think it will help them score points.

Specter said Walsh told him the Patriots were able “to anticipate 75 percent of the plays called by (the Bucs).” Apparently, that wasn’t enough, because New England lost the game, 21-16.

Among other games that Senator Suspicious suggested the Patriots may have made improper use of stolen signals was the AFC Championship Game in January 2004.

The senator astutely noted that, after losing in Pittsburgh, 34-20, early in the season, the Patriots, having had three months to study videotape, returned to Steeltown with a trip to the Super Bowl on the line and won, 41-27.

Here are a few pertinent points worth considering: in the first game, the Pats were without star running back Corey Dillon, who had rushed for 115 yards the previous week. Without him, against the Steelers’ stalwart defense, New England rushed for a mere five yards — the second-lowest total in franchise history — on just six attempts.

Part of the problem was that, with starting right tackle Tom Ashworth sidelined by an injury, Brandon Gorin was making the first start of his NFL career. Then Matt Light got hurt in the third quarter, and Gorin was moved to left tackle. Right guard Stephen Neal was shifted to right tackle, and Russ Hochstein came off the bench to take Neal’s spot.

Not surprisingly, quarterback Tom Brady was sacked four times and threw two interceptions, one of which was returned for a touchdown. He also lost a fumble, getting hit just as he was about to pass the ball, which set up another Pittsburgh touchdown.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the Patriots — already playing without starting right cornerback Tyrone Poole — lost all-pro corner Ty Law because of an ankle injury 10 minutes into the first quarter. Consequently, Steelers’ QB Ben Roethlisberger threw for two TDs, completing 18 of 24 passes, without an interception.

When the two teams met again in the playoffs, a healthy Dillon ran for a 25-yard touchdown, a better-protected Brady threw for two TDs, and Rodney Harrison returned an interception 87 yards for another score.

Some — not Senator Specter, of course — might say those factors weighed more heavily in the outcome than any signals that may have been stolen. Again, assuming the Steelers used the same signals they had three months earlier.

The senator was quite excited to “discover” that the Patriots were also taping in the 2003, 2004 and 2005 seasons. Gee –– since they were taping when Walsh was there, and were caught taping the Jets in the 2007 season opener, did anyone think the Pats had decided to take a taping hiatus in the intervening years?

Specter noted, not incorrectly, that the NFL would like Spygate to go away.

Of course, it does. Especially now. Because it should. It’s over.

“They have a gigantic economic interest,” he said.

Yes, they do. Of course, it also should be noted that Comcast — the cable-TV company that is feuding with the NFL over telecast rights and fees –– donated more than $100,000 to Senator Specter’s reelection fund during his latest campaign cycle, making the company his second-largest source of contributions.

Well, that’s my contribution to Senator Specter’s investigation. Hope it’s helpful.

jdonalds@projo.com