There are 40 million children ages 6 to 17 playing sports throughout the country each year.

That's the good news.

Now for the bad news: More than 30 percent of those youngsters quit playing by the time they turn 13.

And you're not going to want to hear this, parents, but one of the biggest reasons the kids don't want to play anymore is because of YOU.

Believe it or not, "the most critical factor in whether the 40 million sports-playing children love their sports experience or hate them is the behavior -- both public and private -- and the attitude of their parents," says sports psychologist and father of three, Dr. Joel Fish.

"Certainly, outside people and outside factors matter, and yes, these outside influences do contribute to shaping your child. But there's no doubt about it -- parents always have had, and always will have, the most significant influence over their kids," writes Fish, author of 101 Ways to Be a Terrific Sports Parent. "What you think about your child is more important to him than what anyone else thinks."

Unfortunately, parents who start out with the very best of intentions for their children end up being led astray by the financial and emotional pressures of what many feel is now an over-organized world of youth sports, as well as the lure of college scholarships and professional sports careers. Still other parents find themselves living vicariously through their kids.

Fish offers eight signs that you may be an 'overboard" or "overinvolved" parent. Ask yourself:

Do you find yourself talking more about your child's sport than your child?

Are you highly critical of your child's coach?

Do you talk to your child more like a coach than a parent, always giving advice, instruction and critiques?

Do you constantly tell your child to practice more?

Do you seem more emotionally invested in the sport than your child? When his or her team loses, are you more disappointed than they are?

Do you get a great deal of status and prestige from your child's athletic accomplishments?

Do you believe that if your child just tried harder, he or she could be successful at sports?

Are you failing to hear what your child is telling you? (Fish gives such examples as, "Mom, I don't like when you stand behind me and tell me what to do." And, "Dad, it makes me nervous when you come to my games.")

If you answered, "Yes," to any of these questions, consider a few of Fish's suggestions on how you can begin creating a healthier environment around your child's sports:

Periodically check in with your child, as well as other friends and family members, to make sure you're behaving properly at your child's games. (Ask your son or daughter, for example, how they think you're doing as a sports mom or dad. Ask them if you're doing anything that bothers them or makes them uncomfortable? Be prepared for the truth, even if it's not what you want to hear.

Consider reducing or modifying your involvement. Maybe it would be better if you didn't coach your child's team and stuck to spectating. Maybe you should try not sitting with the other parents in the stands if you become too emotionally charged.

Constantly remind your children of your unconditional love for them, and never give your kids the message that their self-worth or how you view them is somehow tied to how they perform on the athletic field.

Sports can be a great source of common ground for you and your child, so take advantage of the opportunity to use it to spark some conversation. Don't turn it into a coaching session, though, advises Fish, and make sure that you "listen more than you talk" and "ask open-ended questions that encourage talk rather than a simple yes or no answer."

Don't forget to remind your children about the many other great reasons to play a sport besides winning, says Fish, including "'fun, fitness, fresh air, commitment, camaraderie, teamwork, perseverance, goal setting, the thrill of competition and enhanced self-esteem."

And make sure you are not giving your child the message that not winning equals failure, which only intensifies the pressure around what should be a fun, learning experience.

cthorn@projo.com / (401) 277-7340