clemens

FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH:

It’s hard to know what was more of a joke, an assortment of Congress members treating Roger Clemens like a rock star on the day he was deposed, complete with autograph signings and photos, or the several members of the committee who took Tuesday’s hearing to all but genuflect in front of him: Look ma, a real live atha-letic hero.

Which uniform are you going to wear into the Hall of Fame?

That’s relevant.

Or how about the woman who told Clemens he was surely going to heaven? Or the guy who called him a baseball titan? Or both the Republicans and Democrats who managed to turn a hearing on steroids in baseball into partisan baseball, like this was about who is the better franchise, the Sox or the Yankees.

These are the leaders of the country?

Makes you wonder.

•You know it’s spring training when the big news of the day is that someone threw off the mound for 10 minutes.

•There’s no truth to the rumor that watching Congress do its business is like watching the sausage being made.

•Or that Roger and Brian McNamee were two of the few people who could make you root for Congress.

•Or that the McCain campaign looks like an AARP convention.

•You know we’re all living in Bizarro World with the news that the Pats are donating T-shirts to some impoverished kids in Nicaragua, ones that read “Super Bowl Champions, 19-0.”

•And that Cher is making another comeback.

•Quiz of the Week: only one Red Sox starting outfield trio in the past half century has hit more than 100 home runs in the same season. Can you name them? (Answer near the bottom of the column)

•Quiz of the Week II: Kevin Garnett was the number-five pick in the ’95 NBA Draft. Who were the four players taken ahead of him? (Answer near the bottom of the column.)

•Line of the Week comes from Roger’s statement to the congressional committee after hearing that he might have tampered with a witness, the infamous nanny: “I’m just trying to help y’all.”

•Line of the Week II comes from colleague Colleen Roy, who looked in the mirror the other day: “How can I live in North Providence and not have any hair spray?”

•Fool’s Gold is a mess. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

•Raise your hand if you’re surprised that John Rocker admits to taking steroids.

•And if you watched the Pro Bowl.

•Barack Obama’s book — Dreams of My Father — is excellent.

•You know it’s a different world, Bunky, when Patty Hearst’s dog won a prize recently at the Westminster Kennel Club show.

•There’s no truth to the rumor the dog was brainwashed.

•Or that the dog was photographed with a gun.

•You know things have gone bad in Kentucky when the Wildcats scored just 11 points in the first half against Vanderbilt.

•The Red Sox are the oldest team in the major leagues, at 29.8 years of age.

•Who were the geniuses who thought up superdelegates?

•Silly me, I thought this was supposed to be about democracy.

•If you don’t have big, physical players you cannot consistently win in the Big East. Period.

•Forty years ago East Providence played boys basketball to a packed gym. Now one side of the bleachers isn’t even taken down. Who said things get better?

•There are few things in sports more tired than the NBA slam-dunk contest.

•What are the odds that colleague Mike Stanton’s The Prince of Providence will be in the Buddy library?

•The Rams have some more winning to do, in case you’re keeping track at home.

•Clemens’ toughest opponent always has been a live microphone.

•And the only person who had a worse week was Jane Fonda.

•The word is Andy Pettitte is a mess over all this.

•You would hope that Arlen Specter would have better things to do than worry about what NFL football teams do.

• The Celtics’ Leon Powe, as undersized as he is, is playing his way into an NBA career.

•Who plays Debbie Clemens in the movie?

•Quiz of the Week; Jim Rice (28), Dwight Evans (32), and Tony Armas (43) in 1984. Rice, Evans, and Fred Lynn had 99 in 1979.

•Quiz of the Week II: Joe Smith. Antonio McDyess. Jerry Stackhouse. Rasheed Wallace.

•Juno is a little gem.

•No one can say the Tuna doesn’t know how to make an entrance.

•You’ve got to love Jimmy Baron, who said in a response to a woman who asked him for a date on a Journal chat: “My only date plans for tonight are about 20 feet from the Keaney baskets. No offense.”

•And you’ve got to love the Providence politician who tried to get into a city hot dog joint by saying the vintage Rhode Island line: “Don’t you know who I am?”

•There’s no truth to the rumor that Roger was looking for Mariano Rivera to come in and bail him out.

breynold@projo.com