01:00 AM EDT on Saturday, July 3, 2004

"If I'm any judge of talent, I think we'll be fantastic. I love these guys. I think we're going to find a way to be a very good team."

Boston manager Terry Francona, after the Red Sox were embarrassed by the Yankees, 11-2, Tuesday night

Can you see Francona as an officer on the Titanic?

"Nothing to worry about, folks," Terry says confidently, a reassuring smile on his face. "Everything's going to be fine. Everybody sit back down. Finish your dinners. Keep on dancing. Have a good time.

"Lifeboats? Don't even think about them. There's no way this ship could ever sink. And in the improbable -- make that impossible -- likelihood we'd ever have to man the lifeboats, rest assured there are more than enough to go around."

Imagine courageous Lieutenant Francona alongside Custer at the Little Big Horn.

"Don't worry, men -- they'll run out of arrows before we run out of bullets. Reinforcements are on the way. We hold the high ground. This is a marvelous defensive position. Everything will be all right. Just hunker down behind your horse. We'll come out of this just fine."

"You guys are (expletive) great."

Boston manager Terry Francona, speaking to his Red Sox Thursday night as they trudged into the clubhouse after

being swept by the Yankees

Picture fresh-faced Terry Francona as a stockbroker in October 1929. Or during the recent, irrational, internet stock bubble, for that matter.

"This is a buying opportunity. Believe me. The market is only going to go up, up, up. Stocks never will be cheaper than they are right now. Invest today and you'll be rich tomorrow."

Envision a diplomatic Terry Francona at the U.S. embassy in Baghdad.

"The Iraqis will embrace democracy. The transition will be seamless and sedate. There'll be no more violence, no more fighting in the streets. The people here will come to love America. By next Fourth of July, they'll be parading through Fallujah carrying the Stars and Stripes and singing 'Yankee Doodle Dandy.' "

"I've never been so proud of people in my life."

Boston manager Terry Francona, after his Red Sox, leading by a run in the 13th inning, with two outs, nobody on, and two strikes on the batter, wind up losing their third in a row to the Yankees.

I listen to Francona these days and I see Alfred E. Neumann in a Red Sox cap. You remember -- the gap-toothed, freckled-faced, simpleton of Mad magazine whose famous line was: "What, me worry?"

Francona makes Norman Vincent Peale, the original "Eternal Optimist," seem like a pessimist.

While sitting in the dugout, plotting ways to not use Nomar Garciaparra at any point in the 13 painful innings Thursday night -- does anybody, by the way, remember Kirk Gibson hobbling off the bench to pinch-hit and hitting a home run to win a World Series game? -- Francona has to be humming to himself the words of Bobby McFerrin's hit song: "Don't worry, be happy."

Fact is, if you're a Red Sox fan -- or the Red Sox manager, for that matter -- there is very little to be happy about and a great deal to worry about.

Going into last night's game at Atlanta, the Sox were 8 1/2 games out of first place in the A.L. East, 9 games behind New York in the loss column. What's worse, they also were two games behind Oakland in the race for the wild card. Since May 1, Boston is a woefully underachieving two games under .500 under Francona.

Just whose guy is Francona, anyway? Is he Boy Genius Theo Epstein's guy? Is he Larry Lucchino's guy? Is he John Henry's guy?

Those were the guys who couldn't wait to dump Grady Little after he won 188 games over two seasons and last year got the Sox to the 11th inning of the seventh game of the ALCS.

In his place, they brought in a guy who never had a winning season in four years as manager of the Phillies, a guy whose team was 26 games under .500 in his first year, and finished 32 games under .500 in his final season.

Will Theo, or Larry, or John Henry fire Francona if the team doesn't win the wild-card? Shouldn't they?

Francona was, after all, supposed to take the team to the next level, not allow them to slip backward and he utters reassuring, ego-boosting platitudes about his overpaid and underproductive players.

Already, before the Fourth of July, the team that Epstein this year assured us was built to challenge for that ever-elusive World Series championship is, once again, playing for second place in the A.L. East.

For the seventh straight season, it appears, the Sox will be runner-ups in the division behind the Yankees.

Their defense is horrendous. They leave way too many runners on base. They have no speed.

The Sox have the second-highest payroll in baseball, more than $125 million, yet they are only 3 1/2 games ahead of the Devil Rays, who have the second-lowest payroll in baseball -- less than $30 million.

Apparently, $95 million just doesn't buy what it used to.

But Francona loves his guys. He thinks they're (expletive) great. He's never been so proud of people in his life.