01:00 AM EDT on Monday, April 19, 2004

BOSTON -- What Gigli was to movies, yesterday's Yankees-Red Sox game was to baseball.

Big budget, low quality. Huge hype, not much entertainment.

Not coincidentally, Ben Affleck is an avid Red Sox fan. To give J-Lo her due, she's looking a lot better than A-Rod right now.

Major-league baseball won't be making a highlight film out of this considerably-less-than-classic encounter between these two traditional rivals and annual powers in the A.L. East.

The Yankees and Red Sox spend a combined total exceeding the gross national product of some Third World countries to sign talented ballplayers, yet the parade of pitchers who meandered to the mound at sold-out Fenway Park wasn't much -- any? -- better than you could see at McCoy Stadium.

Neither team's starter could get through the third inning. After the apparently too-well-rested Derek Lowe departed, having been rocked for seven runs and eight hits, the Sox rolled out the following trio of twirlers: Mark Malaska, Phil Seibel and Frank Castillo.

Doesn't exactly set the old heart to pounding, does it? Although, to their credit, they blanked the Yankees over the final six innings, which shows how little pounding the New York bats are capable of doing these days.

The Yanks, following the early exit of Jose Contreras, who was threatening to blow a six-run lead, countered with Paul Quantrill, Gabe White and Tom "Flash" Gordon.

If horror author and Sox devotee Stephen King was in the packed house, he might have been thrilled to see the subject of one of his best-sellers (The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon) take the hill, but it's doubtful anyone else was.

New York did bring in bona fide big-league closer Mariano Rivera to pitch the ninth, Yankees manager Joe Torre undoubtedly worried about the always dangerous Cesar Crespo leading off that inning for Boston, to be followed by Gabe Kapler pinch-hitting for Pokey Reese.

And these are supposed to be the two best teams in baseball?

If that's the case, the national pastime is in serious danger of being eclipsed by (yawn) soccer.

What heading into the weekend was looking like Armageddon in April is turning out to be little more than a minor skirmish.

This series was supposed to be exciting. Instead, it's been enervating. Rather than rivetting, yesterday's game was boring, in part because, as you'll see this afternoon, your average Kenyan can run 26 miles in less time than it takes the Sox and Yanks to play six innings.

At least when Lowe and Contreras are pitching with what apparently was excessive rest, resulting in excessive rust on both their presumably strong but clearly ineffective -- and inaccurate -- arms.

More is less. At least in terms of rest for both Lowe and Contreras.

Each was making only his second start of the season. Lowe hadn't pitched since April 7, a layoff of 10 days. Contreras' last appearance was April 9, when he was rocked for five runs in 5 1/3 innings by the White Sox at Yankee Stadium.

"I'm not an excuse-maker, but I can't remember ever feeling that bad in a game," said Lowe, who would need a good memory to recall his last start, a 10-3 rout of Baltimore in which he gave up two runs in six innings.

"It was a struggle from the time I got to the ball park," Lowe said of yesterday's awful outing. "I knew in the first inning it was going to be a long day.

"Pitching is feel and control. I got out there and didn't really have a feel for what I wanted to do. I was searching to try to find a game plan that would be successful, but never found one. Sitting around for 10 days didn't help."

And so now the Sox will send Bronson Arroyo, he of the 0-1 record and 8.53 earned-run average, to the mound this Patriots Day morning against undefeated Kevin Brown (3-0, 1.29 E.R.A.) in an attempt to make this first meeting of the A.L.'s mega-powers (at least in terms of spending mega-bucks) meaningful.

Bear in mind, however, that all three of Brown's wins have been over the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, against whom even Contreras and Lowe might be able to make it into the fourth inning.

Still, it appears as if the Bronx Bombers, division winners the past six seasons -- anyone able to guess which team has finished second in the A.L. East each of those years wins a ball signed by either Bucky Dent or Aaron Boone -- are in prime position to salvage a split.

Once again, the Sox are in danger of letting the Yankees off the hook, of allowing them to get back up off the canvas, of failing to apply the coup de grace.

Yes, the Sox are hurting with Nomar Garciaparra and Trot Nixon on the disabled list. But the Yankees have had their share of early-season injuries, too.

What's more is that two guys for whom Yankees owner George Steinbrenner outspent the Sox -- Contreras and Alex Rodriguez -- have been stinking out the joint this spring.

Boston's boy-wonder GM, Theo Epstein, threw a snit-fit when the Yanks signed Contreras a year ago. But Contreras sure doesn't seem like a pitcher who'll make up for the loss of Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite. Making matters worse for New York is that Mike Mussina, now considered the ace of the staff, is struggling, too.

Too bad A-Rod can't face Mussina. He's 0-for-the-series through three games, and is batting a pathetic .156.

That won't get him any sympathy from Boston fans. Except, perhaps, Ben Affleck, who knows what it's like to fail to deliver on expectations.