The 2009 Nissan GT-R is powerful and fast, and for better or worse, its numerous controlling mechanisms reduce the excitement of a wild ride.

I know what you want from me. You think I’m just your little word slave, that I’m here just to arouse you with steamy descriptions of the new and instantly legendary Nissan GT-R, like: “The acceleration of the twin-turbo, all-wheel-drive, 480-hp GT-R is much like a 50-yard field goal in the NFL, wherein your butt is the football.” Sigh. I feel so used.

But I’m not going to do that, see? I’m not going to say that Nissan’s appallingly fast, superbly balanced GT-R sports car is a Ferrari killer, though it easily manhandles Maranello’s F430 in 0-60 mph performance, quarter-mile time and lateral grip, and for a fraction of the price (an MSRP of around $70,000, though dealers can charge what they want, and will). I refuse to be drawn into comparisons between the Porsche GT2 — a $200,000 street racer with suspension settings by Torquemada — and this serene, effortlessly livable, all-weather coupe that, inconveniently for the top-line Porsche, matches it step for step. It matters a little, but not a lot, that the GT-R is within a second or two (7 minutes, 38 seconds) of the production-car lap record at Germany’s fabled Nurburgring. After all, most Americans think the Nurburgring is a lobster dish.

Why? Because, for all its pants-ripping performance, the GT-R is surprisingly — amazingly — not all that exciting to drive. Oh yeah, there’s epic velocity here, and yet, because there is so much assurance, so many layers of electronic self-preservation, there isn’t much frisson or fear. Without fear, there is no fun.

Despite the GT-R’s official nickname, “Godzilla,” it’s more like 2 tons of fluffy kitten.

Right now legions of fanboys are throwing down their Sony PlayStation controllers to fire off strongly worded, if badly spelled, e-mails of outrage and dissent. The GT-R’s cult status comes courtesy of the video game Gran Turismo, which introduced American audiences to Japan’s only true super car. (Previously known as the Skyline GT-R, several generations of the car have appeared over 20 years.) Nissan’s chief creative officer and GT-R guru Shiro Nakamura insisted the design reflect Japanese culture and avoid aping the razor-cut European exoticism of Ferrari and Lamborghini. So the GT-R’s bluff, blocky masses and angular lines, are inspired by the robots — oh, excuse me — mecha mobile suits in the Gundam anime series. Words cannot describe how awesome this is, if you are 11.

About as pretty as a meat mallet, the GT-R sure does look menacing in person. Its most distinctive features are the dramatic “aero-blade” air extractors aft of the front wheel wells and the fierce glowering headlamps drawn back in a scowl like a Kabuki mask (or Cindy McCain).

Another surprise: This is a big car, 183.3 inches long (almost 10 inches longer than a Corvette). And it’s heavy: 3,836 pounds.

The powertrain ends with four gorgeous 20-inch Rays Engineering wheels, with bead knurling on the wheel lip (to prevent the tires from twisting on the rim), wrapped in spec-built, nitrogen-filled Bridgestones.

It all gets pretty nerdy from here, so let me button it up a bit. Computer-controlled adaptive suspension. Race-threshold settings for transmission, traction and stability control. And a launch-control system that allows the mother of all torque-brake takeoffs: There’s a brief moan as the highly excited gear packs sluice torque fore and aft, but there’s no drama, no wheel spin, no choking incense of clutch. The GT-R simply begins moving like some pneumatically powered experiment in a physics lab. Your guts and wits catch up a beat or two later. On the day I drove the car at Fernley Raceway, near Reno, Nev., testers were getting 0-60 mph launches in the 3.1-second range. That’s as quick as any car I’ve ever driven.

So, what’s the problem? It’s not really a problem, just a matter of character. This car has been engineered to produce astonishing performance numbers, when driven by the finest drivers in the world. Driven by something less than the finest drivers in the world — and that would include me — the margins of safety and control are so broad that it actually makes the car uninvolving. Say what you want about the Porsche GT2: when you drive that car hard, you’re in the fight for your existential soul. You are hanging on for a life made ever more dear by the peril.

Around the track in the GT-R, at first I thought, “Oh, wow, I’m driving my butt off. I’m a genius behind the wheel.” Soon, though, I realized the car was doing most of the work, saving me from mistakes. The GT-R is the ultimate self-correcting mechanism. No matter how wrong you get your line or how bad you fumble your braking, simply turn the wheel where you want to go and mat the throttle. In an instant, the computers and AWD riddle out a solution and off you go. That doesn’t happen in a Ferrari.

And so, the paradox of the Japanese super car that does everything better but is still somehow less fun. As for the engineering, you cannot question that some of the smartest car guys in the world nailed the GT-R together. But when it comes to the thrill of driving, they still have something to learn.2009 Nissan GT-R

Base price: $69,850

Price, as tested: $71,900

Powertrain: Twin turbocharged 3.8-liter, DOHC 24-valve V6 with variable intake valve timing and direct ignition; six-speed dual-clutch automated manual transmission; all-wheel drive.

Horsepower: 480 at 6,400 rpm

Torque: 430 pound-feet at 3,200 to 5,200 rpm

Curb weight: 3,836 pounds

Wheelbase: 109.5 inches

Overall length: 183.3 inches

EPA fuel economy: N/A

Final thoughts: Godzilla on Prozac

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