It’s Sunday morning and, as they often do, the Optimist and the Pessimist meet for breakfast.

“This is going to be the best breakfast ever,” the Optimist says.

“It’s probably going to be even worse than the last time,” replies the Pessimist. “Bad. Horrible. Just like the Patriots.”

“Oh, come on,” says the Optimist. “The Patriots aren’t that bad. Last time I looked they were the defending AFC champions and coming off an undefeated regular season.”

“Haven’t you watched any games this summer,” asks the Pessimist, looking as if he’s just seen a bug in his scrambled eggs. “The Pats haven’t won a game. They lost to the Ravens, 16-15. They were trounced at Tampa Bay, 27-10. And did you see what happened Friday night? Not only did they allow a kickoff to be returned for a touchdown, but they gave up a punt return for a touchdown, too. The Eagles beat ’em badly, 27-17.”

“Do any of these games count in the standings,” says the Optimist, raising his eyebrows.

“No,” the Pessismist says, grudgingly.

“And,” asks the Optimist, “has Tom Brady played even one down?”

“No, he hasn’t,” says the Pessimist, quickly adding, “and he may not play all season. He’s got some mysterious leg-ankle-foot injury and the team’s trying to hide the severity of it.”

“As I recall,” says the Optimist, “Brady never has missed a start. Not one. Ever. He’s played every game since stepping in when Drew Bledsoe got hurt in the third game of the 2001 season. And you think he’s not going to be in the lineup two weeks from now, when the Patriots open against Kansas City?”

“How long have you known me?” the Pessimist asks. “Of course I don’t.”

“And so I presume,” said the Optimist, “that you think the New England offense will be hard-pressed to score touchdowns this season?”

“That goes without saying,” the Pessimist says anyway.

“Even though,” the Optimist notes, “the Pats not only have been without Brady this preseason, but neither Matt Light nor Stephen Neal has played, either. Wesley Britt started at left tackle against the Eagles, and Dan Connolly was at right guard.”

“That’s the way it’s going to be all season,” the Pessimist moans. “We’re going to have a rash of injuries. On second thought, it’ll be even worse — it won’t be merely a rash, but a full-blown epidemic.”

“Do you always have to be so gloomy?” the Optimist asks.

“I think you know the answer to that,” the Pessimist replies.

“Look on the bright side, for a change,” the Optimist says with a smile. “The schedule isn’t particularly difficult. And the division isn’t very good. Even if they’re not at their best, the Patriots still are better than anybody else in the AFC East. And, after all, the idea is to be peaking heading into the playoffs, not coming out of training camp.”

“The Jets are going to beat us,” the Pessimist says. “Now that they’ve got Brett Favre, I just know they are.”

“You should also know,” replies the Optimist, “that the Patriots are coming off a season in which they averaged almost 37 points a game. Once Brady’s in the lineup, the Pats will be piling up points again. They’ve still got Randy Moss and Wes Welker. They’ve still got Laurence Maroney and Kevin Faulk. They’ve still got an offensive line that, except for that Super Bowl game, protected Brady pretty darn well all season.”

“Yeah, well, they’re going to need to score a whole lot of points,” says the Pessimist, “because the defense can’t stop anybody. The linebackers are either ancient, or wet behind the ears. The secondary is a sieve. It’s as if they’ve picked up where they left off, when they allowed the Giants to march 83 yards in the final minutes and steal the Super Bowl.”

“So, you think Mike Vrabel is over the hill?” asks the Optimist. “You think Adalius Thomas is all done at 31? That Rodney Harrison, Tedy Bruschi, and John Lynch should all be collecting their retirement pensions? You think all those veterans have lost it? Well, I think you’re the one who’s losing it.”

“All I know,” says the Pessimist gloomily, “is that we’re 0-3 in the preseason.”

“Yeah, well, the Patriots finished the 2004 preseason 1-3 and won the Super Bowl. In 1981, they were 4-0 in the preseason and went 2-14. Preseason records are meaningless.”

“It’s not just the record I’m looking at,” says the Pessimist, “it’s the way the Pats have looked so far this summer. Which is, in a word, lousy.”

“But you’ve yet to get a look at the real Patriots,” the Optimist points out. “The team you’ve seen so far isn’t the one you’ll see against Kansas City. If they lose to the Chiefs, I’ll buy you breakfast.”

“That’ll never happen,” says the Pessimist.

“See,” said the Optimist, “I knew I’d eventually get you thinking positively about the Patriots.”

jdonalds@projo.com