Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be agents...

They'll slick back their hair and pretend we're all fools...

Then they'll get mad when teams play by the rules.

Does Deion Branch deserve to make more money than the $1 million or so he's on the books to make in 2006? Yup. Do his employers, the New England Patriots, know that their wide receiver needs a significant bump? Yup.

So what's the holdup and why is Branch reportedly going to hold out when training camp begins tomorrow? Because his agent, Jason Chayut, is killing him.

Earlier this week, Chayut told the Boston Globe that the Patriots are exploiting Branch.

Nice move, Jason. Make your client sound like he's an 8-year-old sweatshop employee making 44 cents a week in Thailand. That'll swing public opinion in his favor.

Yesterday, Chayut added that Branch, "won't be in camp until he feels he's being treated fairly."

That must mean he'll be in the day he cans Chayut because that's where the exploitation and unfair dealing are coming from -- the guy who stands to make the commission on the deal.

The truth is, Chayut is railing about an offer that would average close to $6 million per season. That's about the same as this year's franchise number for receivers (somebody exploit me like that).

The franchise number is equal to the salaries of the five highest-paid receivers. I hate to do this because Branch is a terrific receiver, but . . . Marvin Harrison. Chad Johnson. Randy Moss. Steve Smith. Larry Fitzgerald. Anquan Boldin. Torry Holt. There's seven guys better than Branch. There are a few more in his neighborhood.

But the bigger point isn't whether Branch is as good as, say, the Colts' Reggie Wayne, who signed a 6-year, $40-million deal with a $13.5-million signing bonus this offseason. The bigger point is that Wayne was a free agent, Branch is not and won't be until after this season.

To be paid like a free agent you kind of need to be one. If you're coming to the table a year early and asking your team to tear up your deal and give you more money, you ought to understand that you are asking for a favor. You are asking them to ignore a contract that you, the player, signed and, in this case, a contract that Chayut himself negotiated for Branch.

Hey, it's a fact that NFL teams have a ridiculous upper hand in rookie contract negotiations and that the whole draft process in every sport is pretty much unconstitutional. But it is what it is. And the offer on the table to Branch rights that particular wrong. Not that Chayut notices. He's more likely fixated on the deals given to this year's free-agent crop -- Wayne, former Patriot David Givens and former Steeler Antwaan Randle El. Again, dumb idea to bring up those names.

Wayne caught 160 passes for 2,265 yards and 17 touchdowns while playing 32 regular-season games the last two seasons. Branch caught 113 passes for 1,452 yards and 9 scores while playing 24 regular-season games. In addition, Wayne plays for a team that has no idea how to manage its pay structure.

Between Wayne, Marvin Harrison and Peyton Manning, the Colts are doling out $70 million in bonuses. (This from a team that complains it's at a financial disadvantage because of its market). They're so shrewd they had to let go of Edgerrin James this offseason and two defensive starters, and only had the money to import just one free agent of note, Adam Vinatieri. Meanwhile, they haven't been to a Super Bowl since Nixon was in office. Obviously, the Pats should start doing business just like Indy.

As for Givens? Branch deserves to make more than the 5-year, $24-million deal Givens got from the Titans. And Branch stands to.

Chayut's comments this week are among the silliest since Ty Law said the Pats' 2004 contract offer was a slap in the face. That slap in the face guaranteed Law $15.6 million in 2004 and 2005. And that slap would have made Law about $2.5 million more than he made the last two seasons.

Meanwhile, Chayut hasn't returned any of the numerous calls to him in the last few months. He probably should have skipped the Globe's, too.

Either way, the good thing for Branch is that people don't blame the player for an agent's stupidity anymore. And now that Chayut's dopiness has been unveiled it's hard to blame Branch when he's getting bad advice. It's just sad to see a good guy get exploited.

tcurran@projo.com / (401) 277-7340