Now open in Athens is the New Acropolis Museum, near the outcropping of rock on which sit the ruins of the Parthenon, the symbol of ancient Greece.

The museum offers the world a new opportunity to pull its chin over the disposition of the Elgin Marbles, classical statuary that decorated the Parthenon ruins until Lord Elgin bought/stole them from Turkey/Greece and sold them to the British Museum in 1816, a decade before Greece won its independence from the Ottoman Empire.

They now reside in the British Museum. Should they be returned to Greece?

Yes, says the New Acropolis Museum. No, says the British Museum. If the Elgin Marbles could speak, what would they say?

“We would not exist if the Brits had not rescued us!”

Well, as residents of the British Museum today, the Marbles know which side their bread is buttered on! They may be mute but they are not stupid.

The New Acropolis Museum’s translation of what the Marbles would say if their Brit jailors let them speak freely: “Justice demands that the Greek statuary be returned to Greece!”

To which the British Museum replies: “Greece was not a nation when Lord Elgin paid £39,000 for them (over $2 million today)!”

NAM: “You cannot put a price tag on civilization!”

BM: “The Marbles belong to civilization, not Greece!”

NAM: “But civilization started in Greece, not Britain!”

BM: “But the Greeks let civilization perish! And Athens had slaves into the bargain! How civilized is that?”

NAM: “Well, Greece has built a new museum for the Marbles!”

BM: “Yes, and it’s ugly!”

NAM: “Well, the British Museum is an old fuddy-duddy!”

We doubt that this fight will be resolved soon. The Marbles, which depict a mythical warrior class, are probably chortling with glee, gesturing to the combatants: “Let’s you and him fight!”