RELATIONSHIPS that fizzle during the holidays often bubble over with anger long after the champagne has gone flat. What ever happened to the New Year sentiment about “old acquaintance”? Despite the blogs a-buzzing about December break-ups, I am an incurable romantic who wants to believe in happy endings and new beginnings, in the face of considerable contrary evidence.

A mother called on Christmas Eve after watching her son’s tearful young lady leave their home clinging to the present she had brought him. The 20-year-old explained: “I told her a month ago it wasn’t working out. I want to start the New Year with someone special.”

Contrast this to the 45-year-old who spent the holidays vacationing with a woman whom he planned to leave after fulfilling their social obligations. Hopefully, he did not deliver his “goodbye” under the mistletoe or via text message after a night of passion.

My heart hurt for both of the couples. I asked the good professor, “When relationships come to an end, do you think men and women should follow the Tibetan ritual of forgiveness, celebrating the love they once shared, and then letting go?” He simply rolled his eyes and hummed Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,” written in 1975. Breaking up is still not as simple as: “Just slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan.”

No matter what time of year, breaking up is really hard to do. However, Ellen Kreidman, in Light His Fire (1991), gives women a message that goes something like: “Don’t give up your man. Create memories. Make sex interesting. Greet him at the door in a plastic wrap dress. And if the two of you are angry, hold onto each other and pretend you still want to kiss and make up. Then watch those good feelings emerge.” The feminists seethed.

Despite the difficulty with relationships, marriage continues. Writer and retired New Mexico judge Anne Kass notes that within three years of divorce, many people marry a second time. However, she says, even in the Land of Enchantment, 70 percent of second marriages involving stepchildren will fail.

Couples who end relationships during the holidays often hear one party express disbelief and shock, but often they are simply not listening to each other. Or if one hears what the other person is saying, he or she may not wish to accept the situation. A showdown often follows.

“Why shouldn’t I be angry?” questioned a divorced gentleman in his early 50s. “She literally threw herself against the door of my home and broke it in! What could have provoked this once sweet woman to do such a thing?”

Perhaps it was an unfamiliar Saab sitting in his driveway, which his former love saw when she drove by his home because of an intuitive 3 a.m. impulse. She went into a rage. He later admitted, “We had pretty much broken up, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by letting her know that I was seeing someone else.”

Sometimes two people know a relationship is rocky but coast along until an irritant pushes them over the edge. For one couple, the cell phone was their demise. “Whenever it rang, my wife would become furious if I didn’t tell her who was calling. Then at a party one night, it rang. I looked at the caller’s name. But before I could put the phone back in my pocket, she grabbed it and stepped on it.” An angry divorce and custody battle ensued.

The desire to get even or to blame is pervasive in break-ups. It seems that only in sitcoms do we find a model for lovers turned friends, as with Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine. However, Christopher Hansard, in The Tibetan Power of Positive Thinking, suggests a ritual for endings that promotes good feelings instead of anger and resentment, and offers opportunities for trying again or finding new love.

Relationships can be exhilarating, but they are also fragile and complex. Perhaps this New Year we might think about “relationship resolutions.” For loves past, present, and future, the words of a life-coach friend and mother resonate: “You attract what you project.” Her simple thought may help to rekindle or strengthen relationships if upon awakening each morning we remember to: Wish blessings. Laugh often. And ask ourselves, “What can I do today to make someone I care about feel a little happier, less stressed, and unconditionally loved?”

Rita Watson, a monthly contributor, is senior editor for an online medical magazine.