IF ALOVEMATCH.COM merged with aNewCar.com would relationships have a longer shelf life?

With fall in the air, more invitations to join a Man-of-the-Month club arrive at my door than Viagra ads clutter up the nation’s e-mail. As online matchmaking services proliferate, the good professor mused, “Whatever happened to serendipity or friends introducing friends?”

Friends are either helping the divorce rate hover at 50 percent or e-mailing let’s-get-together-times without getting together. I remember when friends dropped by spontaneously to share a glass of wine, laughter and exchange stories about creative ways to thwart a blow up. We are still amused when thinking about the chess widow. “Once he gets started, I’m invisible. The other night, I surprised him. I slipped into the den wearing nothing more than a trench coat and whispered into his ear. Then I smiled sweetly at his puzzled partner and said, ‘Sex trumps the King.’ By morning my husband was grinning gratefully.”

Her humor contradicts a new Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine report suggesting that wives, though not necessarily husbands, should “speak out” during marital disputes or risk a heart attack. Perhaps the quiet men are rewarded with a protective benefit, sex twice a week. A 10-year South Wales comparison study reported 50 percent lower mortality risk in men with “high orgasmic frequency.” This may be good news for online daters. Of 40 million Americans going to match services, 30 percent of women engage in sex on a first date, according to the recent Sexuality Research and Social Policy report.

The dear professor believes that love and sex should be reserved for “the moon and the stars” and that he should own a 2007 Porsche 911 to take her for long, lazy afternoon drives. I pointed him to InYourDreams.com.

I know of five couples who married their online match. As with buying a car, each wanted “attractive and compatible.” But for another twosome, serendipity intervened. “When I met my wife, we were Baby Boomers at an Ivy League graduate program. She was using one of those high-end dating services. I didn’t fit her stuffy doc profile. I kept telling her, ‘I’m younger than you are and more fun than these older guys.’ So I kept asking her out until she married me.”

The experience of this couple, who are complementary opposites, underscores the “perception versus reality” problem. We seldom see ourselves as others see us. Perhaps online daters and even committed couples, who wish to enhance each others virtues, might try the profile exchange.

If you write a short profile of yourself and add five positive qualities and five negative traits, then ask a friend to write an honest profile as he or she sees you, would your “perceived-self” recognize your “real-self”? Sometimes misperception stands in the way of a love match and relationships keep ending sadly. Yale’s Robert J. Sternberg, Ph.D., suggests rewriting your love story and finding someone with a comparable dream.

Abandoning unhealthy patterns — damsel and rescuer, giver and taker, nurturer and needy, drama king and queen, or in love with a “still married”— frees one to look for new role models such as couples who are attracted to and supportive of one another. A serious love scenario, in which “lifelong” is a priority, will foster youthful, healthy aging. It is as important to think about desirable attributes in a potential partner as it is to gather specifics regarding a new car: style, acceleration, performance, horsepower, safety and dependability.

Couples who once did share the story of devoted lovers and friends often hit rocky places. Overwork, exhaustion, nagging, thoughtlessness, unkind words and passive-aggressiveness become tripping points. An exercise in gratitude is a simple solution. Thinking of the endearing qualities that your partner possesses, even if these seem to be hiding, and expressing gratitude for them, will spark a change in your attitude and your partner’s reactions.

Skeptical of word power? Sound-bites change voter opinion and influence juries. Remember the glove? “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.” A silent “thank you,” based on the principle of subliminal word thought, can create renewed appreciation, respect, and peacefulness. Expressing gratitude often might transform your relationship thinking. Imagine seeing love as a decision; happily ever after as a choice; and viewing intimacy, passion and joy as lifelong goals that require sprucing up day by day.

Rita Watson, senior editor for an online medical magazine, is a monthly contributor.