THE CHEATING PRIVILEGES given by Samantha of Sex and the City to her young lover while she was undergoing chemotherapy underscore the devastating effects of treatment.

Despite the parade of infidelity scandals among politicians — the outrage and finger-pointing with the John Edwards story is searing. Why? Because in most of the other scandals, there was always a question: Did the wives know? Was there a silent arrangement?

John and Elizabeth seemed to portray a perfect marriage. Their family survived the tragedy of their teenage son’s death with an admirable sense of faith and love. Even though he wasn’t our presidential pick, we appreciated the family man.

Perhaps it is the loss of an image that really angers us most today. We have come to expect certain tawdriness in our politicians. With George W. Bush we knew that one day a movie would portray the closet filled with skeletons. And Oliver Stone is giving us that movie with W.

But John and Elizabeth were models. And we needed an icon. Are we really appalled at what he did to Elizabeth or what he did to us? What happens behind closed doors is a matter between husband and wife. But when one is a public figure running for president then it seems that all bets are off. Today newscasters are questioning their inability to do the digging to get at the truth.

But what is the truth? And what is the message? I like what Shmuley Boteach said in The Jerusalem Post a few days ago: He pointed out that Elizabeth believed that John should continue pursuing his presidential dream despite her metastatic breast cancer. It was an example for their children to know that despite difficult battles, life goes on.

The rabbi added: “But perhaps an even more important lesson to convey to our children is that what will truly make them special in life is not becoming president but being committed and loving family members who always put each other first.”

As we sit and wonder and judge — I am reminded of an often-quoted phrase from my grandmother, paraphrasing from the Bible, “Let he who is not guilty cast the first stone.”

—Rita Watson ( www.ritawatson.com)