The counter in the office at Anthony Carnevale Elementary School in Providence is low, at about kitchen-table height, where a mom can sit comfortably and talk with the office staff. Most schools, especially older urban schools, use an imposing half-wall as a counter that also serves as a clear divider between the “we” of the school and the “they” of the parents.

Academically, Carnevale is outperforming almost all other Rhode Island schools with similar demographics, and the staff puts that success squarely on the partnership they’ve forged with the kids’ families. Yes, they have a long list of academic initiatives they’re also proud of, but “family” is the word they use repeatedly.

Carnevale opened the doors of its shiny new building five years ago. Because the school had no faculty or history of “it’s-always-been-done-this-way,” the newly assembled staff members were empowered to be “site managed,” which means they make their own decisions on most issues.

Providence schools generally can make few decisions and instead follow the dictates of “downtown.” Self-managed schools must meet the district and state academic goals, but how they accomplish those goals is up to them. When these faculties cohere as teams, site-based management brings out the best in everyone. So instead of being hired according to seniority rules, the Carnevale teachers were interviewed and selected to form a like-minded team responsible for creating a high-performing urban school.

Originally hired as the literacy coach, Debbie Bessette is now the principal. On the day of my visit, she ushered me into the conference room where five teachers sat ready to discuss their work as a school family.

They emphasized that strong lines of communication keep them in close touch with one another’s efforts. Bessette writes a weekly bulletin to make sure everyone knows all that’s going on. Small groups meet once a week for common planning, which is used to look at student work, analyze data, case-manage individual kids and brainstorm inventive solutions to obstacles.

The school is very aggressive about going out for grants to add extra services.

And it says yes to virtually any and all offers of help. The neighborhood’s Holy Cross Church gave 300 book bags stocked with school supplies. Each year the church’s Ladies Guild makes Thanksgiving baskets for needy families identified by the teachers and donates holiday clothing and toys. If a child comes to school wearing summer shoes on a snowy day, teachers can note on a list that this kid needs boots. The church is only one of several partners that might fulfill that request.

So from the get-go the staff members bonded around the purpose of making the best school they could, from the resources at hand. They also felt they could take on perhaps the most intractable urban-school problem: getting low-income, often uneducated parents involved in their kids’ education.

The students are overwhelmingly Hispanic — 64 percent — and fully a quarter of them receive English-as-a-second-language services. Seventy-nine percent are eligible for subsidized lunch (a poverty indicator), and 24 percent are in special education. The school has four classrooms dedicated to students with autism, just to mention a few of the challenges.

And these kids have the same parents who all too often become Enemy Number One at other schools.

Bessette speaks Spanish — a huge asset. She says, “I get plenty of livid parents, just like everyone else. I tell them: I am also a parent, and if this were my kid, this is what I’d be concerned about, because we both, you and I, need to help the child.”

To maintain their trust, she’s scrupulous about following through with whatever she said she’d do. She always pursues parents’ complaints about bullying, by at least speaking to the alleged bully; if necessary, she brings in the bully’s parents to resolve the issue. Sometimes this no-nonsense woman looks parents in the eye and says that there’s nothing she can or will do. So they trust her word.

The parents who head up the PTO tend to be omnipresent in the building, operating as liaisons between the staff and the parent community. Last year, 175 parents attended Math Night, and even more showed up for the ice-cream socials.

At Family Fun Day — on a weekend, no less — the teachers brought their own families to meet their school family, the staff and the kids’ families. They’re all in this together.

The Carnevale staff members pull together to face the often difficult family contexts in which their students are being reared. Most important, they are collaborating with the parents to build a community with community norms that support the kids’ academics.

Schools have everything to gain by helping parents understand the importance of having rules about bedtimes, TV limits and acceptable behavior. Mom can enforce discipline much more easily when the school backs her up and has persuaded other parents to enforce a basic set of house rules.

By working closely with the parents, a place like Carnevale can help to spread the gospel of good child-rearing practices into the neighborhoods.

And get strong academic results besides.

Julia Steiny is a former member of the Providence School Board; she now consults and writes for a number of education, government and private enterprises. She welcomes your questions and comments on education. She can be reached by e-mail at juliasteiny@cox.net or c/o EdWatch, Education and Employment, Providence Journal, 75 Fountain St., Providence, R.I. 02902.