South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford pauses to look at his notes as he admits to having an affair with a woman in Argentina during a news conference on Wednesday.

AP / Mary Ann Chastain

I was fascinated by Wednesday’s news conference in which South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford admitted that he’d had an extramarital affair with a woman in Argentina — and that he’d been in Buenos Aires rather than on the Appalachian Trail, as his staff had told reporters.

I began thinking about what it must have been like to be the spokesperson who fielded questions about where the missing governor was on Nude Hiking Day and Father’s Day weekend.

I pondered the possibility of a similar public relations challenge presenting itself here in Rhode Island. And with Sanford as my inspiration, I decided that this is how I would handle the news conference:

Is everyone ready? OK. You know I’m a bottom-line guy, and I want to begin by acknowledging that despite prior statements issued by this office, the General Assembly has not been hiking on the Appalachian Trail since early January.

In fact, the legislature has recently returned from a fact-finding mission to Buenos Aires, where a dear, dear friend of the House and Senate has been offering advice on issues such as the health insurance commissioner’s office.

The trip began very innocently as an attempt to get lawmakers out of the State House bubble and away from Journal reporter Kathy Gregg.

Regrettably, the trip lasted longer than anticipated, several House members are still unaccounted for, and decisions on significant issues have been delayed, necessitating a frantic rush to conclude the legislative session at 2 a.m. in a sweltering marble chamber.

During this difficult time, the General Assembly requests that members of the media provide legislators with a degree of privacy as they meet with their family members, constituents and in-house counsel. Failing that, legislators ask that reporters refrain from continuing to ask why District Court judges should be exempted from new limits on pensions available to judges hired after July 1.

Before taking questions, I want to assure the people of Rhode Island that the trip to Argentina provided lawmakers with guidance on a number of important policy initiatives.

For instance, Argentina’s history includes dictatorships, and those authoritarian periods illuminated the perils posed by bills such as the Access to Public Records Act legislation proposed by Sen. J. Michael Lenihan, D-East Greenwich, and Rep. Edith H. Ajello, D-Providence.

As Ajello has noted, this bill is the product of years of work and compromise by legislators, police, public interest groups and open government advocates. And as Rep. Michael J. Marcello, D-Scituate, said, “For all of us in this chamber who say we’re for open government, this bill is it. Though government works for people in Rhode Island, the reality is, some cities and towns — it’s very difficult to get information from them. They use every trick in the book — [including] intimidation.”

But who can argue with the erudition of Rep. Arthur J. Corvese, D-North Providence, who said, “I am for open government, just not for stupid government.”

Some say Corvese, an optometrist, should be able to see the value of a bill that would shorten the time in which a public body may respond to a records request from 10 to 7 business days; that would increase the maximum civil fine for a knowing and willful violation of the law from $1,000 to $5,000; and that would require that all state and municipal employees who handle records requests receive training in the law.

But I would reiterate Corvese’s point: This is a stupid-government bill.

It is true the House passed Ajello’s bill — but only after removing a key requirement that would have made clear that initial police narrative reports are public.

Scott Pickering, president of the Rhode Island Press Association, said his group does not support the watered-down House bill because it would represent a step backward. He said some police departments already provide initial narrative reports and the attorney general’s office has already said such reports are public. What’s needed, he said, is a law that requires both the release of narrative reports and the release, within 24 hours, of certain basic information about arrests. He said narrative reports are needed to “help you understand why the police used one of their highest powers — pulling someone off the street, putting them behind bars and charging them with a crime.”

In response, I would simply say that we should all start trusting our government officials more and stop demanding so much information from them. As Eva Peron might say, don’t cry for me, Scott Pickering.

I think we all realize there is already too much openness in government here in Rhode Island. And in that spirit, I would commend to you another bill, which would increase secrecy by preventing police departments from releasing the identity of officers involved in fatal shootings until after grand jury investigations.

The trip to Argentina also provided lawmakers with information about another hot topic in Rhode Island: prostitution.

Some of you might have noticed that an article posted on the guardian.co.uk Web site said, “Prostitutes throughout Argentina are casting off police persecution and demanding the same rights as other workers. They have formed the Association of Women Prostitutes of Argentina.” (The group also goes by the name Amar, which means ‘to love’ in Spanish). And the association has plans “to demand government recognition as an official union.”

The Rhode Island version of such a union — Wicked-Good Amar — might prove to be a logical next step for the “spa” workers who recently testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee.

As you know, Rhode Island is the only place in the country, except for certain counties in Nevada, which has no law banning indoor prostitution.

And yet some party-poopers want to remove that distinction, arguing that our prostitution laws should be like those in the 49 other states.

In fact, the Judiciary Committee heard such arguments from a retired judge, a state police officer, the legislative liaison for the attorney general’s office, a businessman who works next door to a “spa,” and a University of Rhode Island professor who has done extensive research on global human trafficking. And Providence police Lt. Michael E. Correia told the panel, “Since the loophole in the law was discovered, the number of spas has more than tripled in this city. Prostitution in all its forms, inside and outside, is detrimental to the city of Providence.”

In response, I would ask: What about the lonely dudes?

I think the “spa” worker who identified herself only as “Jul” put it best when she told that committee that she earns money serving men — construction workers, judges, lawyers — who are “depressed or who just can’t meet girls.”

Finally, I can confirm that legislators had considered outsourcing the functions of the Office of the Health Insurance Commissioner to a Buenos Aires resident, who I will identify only as “Maria.”

You no doubt noticed that the House Finance Committee proposed saving $700,000 by eliminating the office of health insurance commissioner Christopher F. Koller, who has been overseeing health insurers’ requests for double-digit rate increases. The plan would have repealed the 2004 law that created Koller’s office in the wake of a scandal involving Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Rhode Island.

Assembly leaders have since heard from Republican Governor Carcieri, who has denounced the elimination of Koller’s office as “a mistake,” and they’ve heard from Democratic Lt. Gov. Elizabeth H. Roberts, who has called it “a very poor decision.”

Off record, it is hard to believe that those two agree on anything, and it’s hard to fathom why this was proposed in the first place. In any case — back on the record — House Finance has decided to restore the $700,000.

So now I’ll open it up for questions:

Reporter: Why are the judges who are allegedly receiving services from “Jul” the “spa” worker depressed?

That’s a highly personal question, but speaking in general terms, I believe their consternation is related to changes in the state pension system.

Reporter: Do you think Governor Sanford would have been better off if he had, in fact, been hiking nude on the Appalachian Trail?

Yes. If he was wearing sunscreen.

Reporter: What is the best joke you have heard about Governor Sanford?

I think it would have to be Conan O’Brien’s observation that “People were shocked because Republicans don’t traditionally do well with Latina women.”

OK. Last question.

Reporter: I noticed that a great white shark was pulled from a fish trap off Narragansett at just about the time that Richard Dreyfuss, who played Matt Hooper in the movie Jaws, spoke to the Rhode Island Bar Association about civics education. Do you see a connection?

I think we all remember what happened in the New England resort town of Amity Island back in 1975, and I can tell you the authorities are looking into the possibility that this great white was seeking revenge for the shark carnage that Roy Scheider’s character caused in the film’s climactic scene. Perhaps Robert Shaw’s character, the shark-hunting Quint, said it best when he said that catching a great white is “not like going down the pond chasin’ bluegills and tommycods. This shark [will] swallow you whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’ and down you go.”

Other than that, I cannot comment because the matter is under investigation. You can, of course, file a formal request under the Access to Public Records Act — whatever good that will do you.

efitzpat@projo.com