01:00 AM EDT on Thursday, June 16, 2005

BY DIANE HOGAN
Journal Staff Writer

The season is here; dig out your dress-up clothes, arrange for time off from work, and start thinking about that perfect gift for that favorite couple.

Who doesn't love attending a wedding? There's usually oodles of merriment to be had that day, and if you're lucky enough NOT to be one of the major players at the nuptials, very little planning or responsibilities are required.

But even if only a guest, you can bring something unique and memorable to the celebration. In these days of wedding planners, five-star caterers and professional videographers, a home-spun, heartfelt, perhaps humorous, gesture would be particularly treasured.

Ideas for congratulatory toasts is the purpose of Diane Warner's book, Complete Book of Wedding Toasts: Hundreds of Ways to say Congratulations! One old treasure mentioned in this collection is that classic Irish wish: May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be always at your back, may the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall soft on your fields; and until we meet again, may the Lord hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Interspersed between toasts are trivia about traditions, like the information that in Bavaria, the newly married couple saw a log in half, a ritual meant to symbolize a shared life and shared work.

For those more joking moments during the reception, you could refer to some of the quotes in Women are from Venus, Men are from Hell, by Amanda Newman. The famous and infamous are quoted here, all basically following the theme of the title. Chris Rock says "Men do not settle down. Men surrender." Matt Groenig, of Bart Simpson fame, notes that "Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats." And Cynthia Nelms voices the opinion that "If it weren't for women, men would be wearing last week's socks." (Of course, you'd have to amend these statements with some kind of "good groom" positive finish.)

To return to a more reverent speech, look at The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions: Readings, Rituals, Music, Dances, Speeches and Toasts, edited by Carley Roney and the staff of The Knot. There are wonderful tributes to marriage and love in the section entitled "Readings"; try adapting some of Shakespeare's Love Sonnets, or maybe including some of the lines from Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets from the Portgueuse.

Roney has some sentiments from Ogden Nash, D. H. Lawrence, and a delightful excerpt from The Little Prince, originally written by Antoine de Saint- Exupery: "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." Isn't that just a beautiful thought to share at a wedding?

Aside from imparting kind comments about this marvelous new couple, you can find other ways to contribute. Ask the potential newlyweds if you could create some keepsake for their day. Forever Yours: Wedding Quilts, Clothing & Keepsakes, by Amy Barickman, would be an excellent choice for those who wish to honor the occasion with something created especially for the bride and groom. "Remember When?...Collages" is one idea that many guests could be involved in by supplying photographs and other items beforehand to be framed and displayed at the reception. Barickman suggests that you organize the collage thematically, perhaps documenting the lovebirds' history together, starting from their first meeting.

Creative Wedding Keepsakes You Can Make, another great gift-making guide, provides detailed (and illustrated) instructions for crafts like origami cranes. The authors, Terry L. Rye and Laura Taylor offer the reasoning behind bringing these folded paper birds to the nuptials: "Because they mate for life, cranes are an important symbol in Japanese wedding tradition. Fold 1,001 origami cranes and you'll enjoy a long married life together and good luck a thousand times over. Use these elegant cranes to decorate reception tables or hang them from a wedding arch." (I'd definitely recruit some of my friends to help me with folding 1,001 of these tiny birds, but what a nice tribute in anticipation of a successful union.)

If the guest list is small enough, and the reception is informal enough, maybe you and your guest friends could provide the wedding "favors." Jennifer Lata Raung's book, The Everything Creative Wedding Book: Cultural traditions and offbeat themes to make your day extra special, has unusual ideas for the commemorative souvenirs. Her idea of "A Light Touch" lists items like kazoos, jacks, Silly Putty, Weebles or pet rocks, all personalized somehow to honor of the event, to be offered to wedding guests as their unique and amusing take-home prize.

Perhaps you have no impending invitation to bride-and-groom festivities; that is no reason for you not to vicariously enjoy a celebration. Several excellent "wedding" movies are available. Why not just sit back on your couch with your own glass of champagne and bag of candy-covered almonds, and enjoy theses DVDs or videos? Meet the Parents, starring Ben Stiller and Robert DeNiro, is the tale of male nurse Greg Focker who must introduce and ingratiate himself to his girlfriend's parents before proposing, but her suspicious father is every date's worst nightmare. The Wedding Planner, a romantic comedy starring Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey, plots the path of a peppy career woman who is great at what she does: she can turn any wedding into the perfect romantic event. But when she begins to fall for the groom in one of the weddings she's planning, all of her foundations are shaken, and she realizes that maybe her own life lacks love.

More home viewing choices include My Best Friend's Wedding, which puts Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz, Dermot Mulroney and Rupert Everett together in a truly enjoyable movie that describes what happens when a woman's long-time friend says he's engaged, she then realizes she loves him herself... and sets out to get him, with only days before the wedding.

Four Weddings and a Funeral gives Andie McDowell, Hugh Grant and Kristen Scott Thomas a chance to farce around in a British comedy-drama. (The title sums up the storyline.)

The Wedding Date pairs our own hometown gal, Debra Messing with Dermot Mulroney in a Pretty Woman kind of movie; Messing hires Mulroney, a male escort, to pose as her boyfriend at her sister's wedding. Her plan, an attempt to dupe her ex-fiance, who dumped her a couple years prior, proves to be her undoing. The Wedding Singer, an absolute personal obsession, stars the consummate duo of Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. The soundtrack, the clothing and the dialogue is all vintage 1980s, so for those of us who are old enough to remember, the nostalgia factor alone certainly makes this a "must-see."

See how much fun you can have with weddings? Come on in and grab some of these choices -- hopefully, you'll feel more festive because of it!

Diane Hogan, a serenely satisfied spinster, is head of reference and electronic services at the East Greenwich Free Library. The Journal welcomes contributions from Massachusetts-area librarians.