Thoughts at Large:

• Is it good news that the price of gasoline is down, or bad that it took a near-depression to do it?

• I prefer Johnny Depp as Captain Sparrow over the pirates holding that oil tanker.

• Note to my travel agent: Please cancel the cruise I was going to take off Mogadishu.

• Only in R.I.: I’m told folks at Stop & Shop refer to their newest local stores not as Ten Rod Road in North Kingstown, or Greenwich Avenue in Warwick, but as “Fiddlesticks” and “Apex” because that’s what used to be there.

• There’s a lot of pressure, being a man, when even store mannequins have six-packs.

• Don’t you hate spam e-mails with the subject, “In response to your question,” when you never asked?

• You know your children were born different when you get them both up at the same time for a 7:40 school departure and one says “Why’d you wake me up so early?” while the other says, “Why’d you wake me up so late?”

• News item: “The space shuttle crew is trying to fix a machine that converts urine and sweat into drinkable water . . . .” Dear Houston: I’d like to withdraw my application to be an astronaut.

• On the other hand, I wonder if they sell those at Home Depot so I can save on my water bill.

• Rush Limbaugh is insisting John McCain lost, not because he went too far right, but that he didn’t go far enough. If I were the Democratic National Committee hoping Obama repeats in 2012, I’d do all I could to increase Limbaugh’s audience.

• I like Brotherhood on Showtime, especially its local backdrops, but guys, you simply have to stop making each episode so unrelentingly bleak.

• From the “It’s a great country” archives: I just saw an ad for a dreidel with a picture of Santa on it.

• Does it make me unsophisticated that I still think the height of humor is Curly saying, “Ohhh . . . a wise guy.”

• How much do you hate those Web sites that keep you stuck on them no matter how many times you click “return” to previous page?

• Out of 18 local suspects busted last week in Operation Mobbed up, I saw there was a woman, an African-American and two Hispanics, which means even the Mafia has diversity goals.

• Oops department: In a previous column, I said John Kennedy won the Democratic nomination after the 1959 convention. Make that 1960.

• News item: “Kim Jong-il, North Korea’s leader, is hospitalized but still capable of making decisions.” Interesting, since he wasn’t capable of them when healthy.

• A female just explained to me that women get manicures not just for the appearance but relaxation. Oh. But I still don’t get it.

• Does any teenager own a watch, or do they all use cell phone clocks?

• Note to men: You will get no credit for raising the blinds in the morning if they’re not even.

• After winning a Nobel Prize last month, Princeton Prof. Paul Krugman disclosed that he had hesitated to start writing commentary for The New York Times in 1999 for fear “dirtying his hands” with a newspaper column could hurt his image as an economist. Dirtying? Doesn’t that make me feel special.

• Is there any greater financial joy as a parent than when your child’s foot reaches full size?

• If you’re at an age where you find yourself asking your kids whether you’re a hep cat, you’re not.

• They need a name for fear of setting off shoplift sensors even after you’ve made a legitimate purchase. I always tense up when I leave stores these days.

• Things I’ve learned the hard way: When lifting a shelf so you can move the pegs to adjust its height, always take the wine glasses off first.

• If you don’t do the above and glasses start sliding off, I’ve also learned that repeating the word “no” several times does not stop them.

• As far as the Nebraska “refuge” law allowing parents to abandon children there, like a lot of men, I’m hoping they don’t expand it to let wives do the same with husbands.

• I don’t know why dogs aren’t more stressed — whenever they get in a car they have no idea whether they’ll be gone 10 minutes or all week.

• I was writing an e-mail the other day saying, “I have forbidden you from

. . .” when a pop-up said I should change “forbidden” to “prohibited.” Don’t you hate a know-it-all computer?

And finally,

• A judge in Colorado has sentenced teenage noise violators to sit in a room listening to Barry Manilow music for an hour. And you thought waterboarding was bad.

mpatinkin@projo.com