I’ve long thought a newspaper column should be a two-way street, so I spent the day sifting through letters from readers. There was a time not long ago when almost all arrived by envelope. Now, it’s fewer than one of 20. As a result, many will be listed here by the moniker of the times –– their e-mail name.

George Scheck: “I see men of all ages wearing baseball caps indoors, in restaurants, and I even saw a family interviewed on TV and the man was sitting on the sofa with his cap on. So perhaps you could help people like me with the etiquette. Does one wear a hat at all times, inside and out, at meals, in the home? Does one wear a cap to bed also? Please help, inquiring minds want to know.”

Reply: I can only go by my own teen sons, who wear hats during all above circumstances, though recently one turned the brim from backward to forward during dinner as a sign of respect, which told me I had raised him right after all.

TheLady: “I think ATM machines are designed by men for men. I have pulled up close enough but I guess my arms are defective! It’s better for women to get out of the car to do ATM transactions.”

Reply: I will agree to get my side to make drive-thru ATMs more accessible if you get your side to put chairs for men in women’s clothing stores.

JohnInRichmond: “I go to a barber in Hope Valley. He’s an old pro named Louie. He wouldn’t know ‘unisex’ if it bit him in the ankle. He charges seven bucks. To me, it’s the best seven bucks I spend every month or so.”

Reply: He must be grandfathered in; federal statute now requires all men to be “styled” next to women with tin foil in their hair.

Dahill: (Responding to my saying I might move to Woonsocket, South Dakota.) “They’d run your sissy latte-sippin’ butt out of town on a rail.”

Reply: That’s defamatory. I prefer Frappuccinos.

Gerard Mulligan: I enjoyed reading your recent piece about the two Woonsockets. I wrote for David Letterman for many years, and one item we featured was a headline from the Woonsocket, S.D., paper: “WOONSOCKET MAN VISITS WOONSOCKET,” about a Rhode Islander on a vacation tour of the West. “

Reply: That may be my favorite headline since one I saw out of Albany about a flurry of bill-signing that was supposed to read, “Governor’s pen is busy,” only they ran the words “pen” and “is” together. It was about Hugh Carey, by the way, who had 12 children, so the headline was still accurate.

Peter12102: “Since prostitution is legal (indoors) in our esteemed state I would like to know if the state is collecting the sales tax on each trick?”

Reply: Remember, before the recession, when this was a moral question instead of an economic one?

Stephanie D: “So this is what is true about women and sizes. The smallest size piece of clothing in a woman’s closest is her size. It makes no difference if she has 10 pairs of pants that are size 10, if she has one pair that she can get into that are a size 8, then she is an 8. Period. However, be careful, the reverse is true when it comes to bras. She may have many bras with a B cup, but if she has one that fits that is a C cup, then she is a C. You can attribute this to a woman’s sense of optimism.”

Reply: These concerns surprise me since all the men I know care only about a woman’s personality.

Joseph DesLauer: “With all the construction on Rt 95, why didn’t they straighten out the Thurber’s Ave curve?”

Reply: They were too busy removing all the inconvenient interstate exits and entrances.

Len (UPS driver commenting on my assumption everyone loves to see him.) “You would be surprised at the number of people who don’t love getting a package, like the husband who doesn’t know his wife is a QVC addict.”

Reply: Now that you mention it, as a dad of teens who have access to credit cards, I’ve begun to be wary of arriving UPS trucks myself.

Bill Krueger: “I would also banish ads involving cavemen.”

Reply: Could we first ban the ones about those older guys — it’s always guys — rushing away from their grandkids because they have to “go.”?

RIMom5: “Mark, I am so happy you mentioned the root beer barrels at CVS. I have a secret addiction to them and bought bags at a time. Then they switched to what I’m sure is cheaper candy and they are terrible.”

Response: First of all, I substituted the word “are terrible” in place of a four-letter word RIMom5 used that’s usually associated with vacuum cleaners and drinking straws. I do agree with her, though. I suggest a campaign akin to that which killed the New Coke until CVS brings back the old root beer barrels. Long live the resistance.

mpatinkin@projo.com