It seems that everyone these days is communicating by Twitter. That’s where you bypass the media and post online status updates a few times a day.

They can’t be longer than 140 characters. And they’re supposed to be more personal than other pronouncements because, technically, they go out to folks who are “following” you.

So people “post” about feeling grumpy in the morning, or being on their way to a haircut. I guess it’s like hearing the latest from a friend.

It got me imagining what snippets we’d get from various people in the news if they were using Twitter:

David Letterman: “Why didn’t anyone tell me that when u’re famous, u don’t have 2 risk it with interns?”

Bill Clinton: “Amen 2 that, brother.”

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: “Nuclear capability? I don’t see any nuclear capability around here. Oh, yes, tell them the centrifuges go over there.”

Linc Chafee: “I’m not done yet.”

Kim Jong Il: “How come People Magazine never does a ‘Who wore it better?’ on how I measure up in those gray pajama things of mine?”

Jennifer Aniston: “I guess I must be a handful, because how else do u explain it?”

George Clooney: “No-1’s asking me why I’m not married.”

Ben Bernanke: “I’m confident we’re at last about 2 turn the corner … actually maybe not…then again it’s looking better 2day … on the other hand …”

Jon Gosselin: “The great thing about America is if the culture makes u famous for no reason, you think you deserve it.”

The Jonas Brothers: “True dat.”

Governor Carcieri: “Maybe term limits aren’t so bad. This is getting exhausting.”

Rosie O’Donnell: “I’m working up to something really obnoxious any day now.”

Buddy Cianci: “And u thought that jail sentence would knock the fight out of me.”

Katie Couric: “Bet u didn’t think I’d last this long.”

Lance Armstrong: “As for losing the Tour this year, I didn’t think I was human either.”

Bernie Madoff: “To be honest, I’m not that clever, so what does that say about government regulators?”

Sarah Palin: “Admit it; it’s more boring without me, isn’t it?”

Debbie Rowe, Michael Jackson’s ex: “Even I can’t believe he couldn’t have found a better surrogate mother than me.”

Bill Richardson: “I coulda been somebody.”

Lindsay Lohan: “It’s really Disney’s fault. When they brand you as squeaky clean, you need to rebel.”

Britney Spears: “I can relate.”

Zac Efron: “I guess I’m about due for that, too.”

Miley Cyrus: “I can’t be far behind.”

Caroline Kennedy: “I’m still not sure how that Senate seat got away from me.”

Henry Louis Gates: “I guess in the end I didn’t exactly help the cause, did I?”

Joe Biden: “Does anyone need a dinner speaker?”

The Republican Leadership: “Quick — name 1 of us. You can’t? I guess we have work to do.”

Rush Limbaugh: “You can name me people, can’t you? There’s your leadership.”

Nadya Suleman, aka Octomom: “I don’t understand why guys won’t date me. What do they mean by ‘baggage’?”

Dick Cheney: “No, I’m not mellowing. Do I look like I’m mellowing?”

Ashton Kutcher: “So did u see my new flick’s about a younger man with an older woman? That’ll be a stretch.”

Kanye West: “I pity the next awards show that honors someone I don’t like.”

Osama Bin Laden: “If you don’t use credit cards or cell phones, hiding’s really not that hard. Tho I haven’t met the westerner who could go without those.”

Susan Boyle: “What happened to my 15 minutes?”

Serena Williams: “Between McEnroe’s ‘You can’t be serious,’ and what I said, the most famous tennis quotes are from yelling at judges, aren’t they?”

Charles, William and Harry: “It’s amazing — we royals have been behaving, haven’t we?”

Paula Abdul: “You know it’ll be less fun because the best part was me acting loopy.”

And finally, though it seems to go against the basic lessons of celebrity culture, I’m picturing this final thought:

Richard Heene — Balloon Boy’s Dad: “Maybe there is such a thing as bad publicity.”

mpatinkin@projo.com