A new book on the Ocean State is in the works by a Cranston freelancer named Tim Lehnert and the legendary Rudy Cheeks of the Providence Phoenix. It will be called Rhode Island 101.

Tim was kind enough to ask me to contribute to a section called “Take 5s” in which they ask various locals to offer short lists. He gave me a choice and I picked, “Five signs you’ve been in Rhode Island too long.”

Since the book is called “101,” I went with these basic standbys:

1. You stop using turning signals.

2. You haven’t gone to a restaurant that’s more than 10 minutes away in two years.

3. You get a vanity plate.

4. You start planning your retirement in Flahrider.

5. You start giving directions by landmark instead of street name: “And then you go under the overpass they tore down 10 years ago. . . .”

That’s probably all they want from me, but once you start on Rhode Island lists, it’s hard to stop. So I spent some time coming up with some others:

• Unique Rhode Island life forms:

1. The world’s biggest termite.

2. The planet’s highest paid crossing guards.

3. Mr. Potato Head.

4. The only official state shellfish.

5. America’s only one-party legislature. (Well, 85 percent Democratic, but it’s the same thing.)

• You realize you’re not in Rhode Island when:

1. You ask for stuffed quahogs and they think it’s a pork dish.

2. No one takes Victory Day off.

3. Cars come to a full halt at stop signs.

4. You ask for a cabinet and the waitress tells you the furniture store is down the street.

5. You’ve driven 10 minutes through an urban area without seeing a Dunkin’ Donuts or CVS.

• You are proud of Rhode Island because:

1. John and Jackie were married here.

2. We once beat out Boston to serve as headquarters of the New England mob

3. Babe Ruth once played for the Providence Grays.

4. The Independent Man is almost as cool as Michelangelo’s David.

5. We were the first colony to renounce the crown.

• Common signs of being a Rhode Islander:

1. Even though you live 20 minutes from the ocean, you have a backyard pool.

2. You have a state pension.

3. You go “down cella” instead of to the basement.

4. You have a Florida room.

5. You refer to pasta sauce as “gravy.”

• Lesser-known signs of being a Rhode Islander:

1. You’re still not sure how to get out of the Providence Place parking lot.

2. The boat in your driveway is bigger than your house.

3. You still use checks from Fleet Bank, even though it doesn’t exist.

4. You can swear in Italian.

5. Your teachers had your parents.

• Rhode Island expressions:

1. All the way. (Meaning, “with everything on it,” when ordering a New York system wiener.)

2. Jeet? (“Have you eaten yet?”)

3. D’boatayuz. (“Both of you.”)

4. Please? (“Pardon me?”)

5. Not for nothing, but . . . (“No easy translation; you either get it or you don’t.”)

• You have to admit it:

1. Given a choice between seeing an NHL game in Boston or high school hockey here, you go with a night at Lynch Arena in Pawtucket.

2. You see Nick, Ron or Pete at a restaurant and tell everyone about your celebrity sighting.

3. When you hear a snowstorm’s coming, you really do buy bread and milk.

4. You get a cheap thrill whenever the state is mentioned in a movie, like in Arthur when the spoiled, rich Dudley Moore spoke of a tiny European country so small, “Rhode Island could kick its butt.”

5. You brag about Rhode Island’s proximity to New York, but you haven’t been there in years.

• When driving:

1. You regard yellow lights as “last call.”

2. You’ve done the “Rhode Island block” — inching out of a side street to obstruct traffic on your left until you can make a left.

3. You’ve been flipped off and don’t know why.

4. You get angry at people going the speed limit on Route 95.

5. At stop signs, you’ve sped left in front of oncoming traffic the instant the light turned green.

And finally:

• Rhode Island artifacts we’d like to see in a new state museum:

1. License Plate Number 7, which someone really once bought for $25,000.

2. The Winnebago former Governor Ed DiPrete drove his family to Disney World in, stopping overnight in McDonald’s parking lots so they could have Egg McMuffins for breakfast.

3. A doughboy once served at Rocky Point Park, still edible.

4. A copy of the Rhode Island state income tax form, the only one in the country with a smiley face for a refund and frowning face if you owe money.

5. A replica of a notable structure near La Salle Academy so momentous it was dedicated by both the governor and the bishop of Rhode Island: A new bus shelter.

That’s my version of Rhode Island 101.

Let me know if I missed any categories for the sequel, RI 102.

mpatinkin@projo.com