Mark Patinkin
Hats off to Rhody’s firsts
01:00 AM EST on Thursday, December 28, 2006
We were the first to renounce the crown, establish religious freedom and create an action figure. That would be G.I. Joe. We’re home to the first industrial mill, Jewish temple, roller-skating rink, and not just a first Baptist church but – in 1638 – the first Baptist Church in America. Apparently, we’re big on indoor shopping here, since the Arcade was America’s first enclosed mall, and in 1768, Gladdings became the first department store on U.S. soil. Though I guess it wasn’t the U.S. yet.
We have the longest name of any state – Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. Arlene Violet was the nation’s first female state Attorney General. Usquepaugh hosts the country’s only jonnycake festival. And our state troopers were not only voted best dressed, but once did a fashion show on David Letterman.
Beat that, Connecticut.
All this is from my favorite new local book. It’s by Roberta Mudge Humble, a professor of English at the Community College of Rhode Island, and is called The RIght to Crow – A Look at Rhode Island’s Firsts, Bests & Uniques.
Perhaps it’s our small size, but there’s something about living here that makes people embrace ways that Rhode Island stands out. Good or bad.
When I first came here in the mid-1970s, I actually felt proud that the New England mob was based in Providence instead of Boston; maybe Detroit had cars, but at least we had that industry. We also once had the biggest maker of fake flowers anywhere. I’m still proud that we have the world’s biggest termite overlooking Route 95. It’s 58 feet long.
And to think outsiders thought this wasn’t a major-league place.
I’ve long known we stand out as the capital of coffee milk, lemonade slush, bubblers, cabinets and an obsession with low-number plates. I’ve known we have a famous chicken breed, the Rhode Island Red, with its own monument, and that we were home to the America’s Cup for more than a century until the Aussies ripped us off. I’ve known that the longest professional baseball game, 33 innings, was at McCoy Stadium.
But there are a lot of firsts I barely knew; or didn’t know. Such as that the Newport Reading Room has the world’s oldest flush toilets.
So I love this book.
It further tells me that the first World Series ever, anywhere, was held here. And the Providence Grays won. They beat the New York Mets. To me, that’s right up there with inventing religious freedom. So is the fact that Babe Ruth once played for the Providence Grays.
I’m even proud that in 1976, a state rep named Bernard Gladstone proposed a $2 tax on sex to increase revenues. At least it was a first. It didn’t pass.
The nation’s first-ever speeding ticket was given in 1904 in Newport. The guy deserved it; he was going 20 miles per hour.
The most expensive piece of furniture ever sold was an 18th-century desk by Rhode Island carpenter John Goddard. In 1989, someone paid $12.1 million for it. But ounce for ounce, that’s probably not as valuable as the $25,000 paid here for license plate number 7. That means plate number 1 is worth six figures.
Plus, I’m guessing no other place has as much collective interest in such odd foods as doughboys, dynamites, grinders, New York System wieners, clamcakes and stuffies.
I’m also guessing that no other successful politician legally added an “a” to the beginning of his name, as Ralph aRusso did, to be first on a ballot. After winning, he went on to serve as mayor of Johnston for 24 years, a state record for that office.
Oh, and show me another state where the landfill is the second-highest point. It gives you a shiver of pride.
Mr. Potato Head was born here. So was Furby, My Little Pony, and the Easy Bake Oven, which I still am prone to give as a gift to my 18-year-old daughter because, as a dad, I refuse to accept that she is no longer 9.
Maybe one reason we need books like Humble’s is that the rest of the world doesn’t give us enough credit for these things. I’m still angry that Boston gets acclaim for sparking the Revolution by dumping some tea in the harbor in December 1773 when, a whole year and half before that, Rhode Islanders burned an entire British tax ship. But who, besides us, remembers that?
Now, we have a reminder.
I think I’ll celebrate with some stuffies and coffee milk.
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