My computer mouse died so I went to get a new one. Sometimes, there are too many choices. Circuit City had about 20 mice lined up for demo. Of course, I had to get the fancy $50 Microsoft wireless 5000 because it had bells and whistles, like a setting to magnify whatever I pointed at.

But back home, the magnify function proved instantly annoying. Worse, I couldn’t turn it off. Then, a pop-up warning began telling me the wireless signal was weak. The offered solution: An incomprehensible tutorial about Bluetooth connectivity.

Which got me thinking.

Aren’t you over technology that’s more complex than it has to be?

I love that new phrase: “Aren’t you over it?”

It has a different meaning than simply, “I don’t like it.”

It’s a handy way of saying you’ve had it with things that have been foisted upon you.

It got me thinking about other such things.

•For example, I’m so over news coverage that implies I should feel sorry for imbeciles who get gored while running with the bulls. Who does that? And as for the two brothers who got simultaneously gored, I’m also over parents who raise not just one simpleton, but a matching pair.

•I’m completely over being asked at restaurants whether I want tap or bottled water. Just bring me a glass, please.

•I’m over a system that doesn’t crosscheck whether welfare recipients are registered drivers of pricey new Porsches.

•They’re barely here but I’m already over David and Posh Spice Beckham. It’s fine to come to America to play soccer, but do you have to pose in hyper sexual positions with your wife?

•I’m over midriffs bared by females who should know better.

•Ditto for paunchy men in strappy T-shirts.

•I couldn’t be more over loud or cutesy ringtones. If someone ran for office on a one-issue platform of requiring all cell phones to simply ring like household phones do, I swear he’d win.

•I’m over President Bush turning Iraq into a terrorist haven and then repeatedly saying we can’t leave because it’s a terrorist haven.

•I’m totally over Paris Hilton. Girl, get a job.

•I’m over females cat-fighting on reality shows like The Bachelor and America’s Next Top Model. Will someone explain to me why women are always trying to stab each other in the back?

•I’ve over Crocs. You call those shoes?

•I’m so over that commercial where the woman walks around with a big sign saying, “I have a bladder control problem.” Or where the guy has to keep leaving his grandchildren in the lurch because he’s got one, too.

•I’m over calling Dell 31 days after a new computer purchase and being told I now have to pay for tech support because it’s past 30 days. Frankly, I’m over every computer company that charges for phone tech support. If their software messes up our computers, shouldn’t they have to tell us how to fix it without ripping us off a second time?

•I’m over Hollywood couples having babies together but saying they’re not ready for marriage. Like a baby’s not a commitment? I wish women wouldn’t put up with that — because you know it’s the guy who won’t take the leap.

•I’m also over actresses dating men with glamorous sounding jobs that on second thought don’t make much sense. I mean, what’s a “club promoter.” Who knows, but Hillary Duff is going out with one.

•I’m utterly over Angelina Jolie.

•I’m over Coca-Cola having too many sub-sets. I still haven’t figured out Coke Zero, and now there’s Diet Coke Plus with Vitamins and Minerals. What’s the difference between Diet and Zero anyway? Did you know there’s a Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coke out there? And a Coca-Cola Blak, whatever that is. If you’re in the grocery business, how do you stock a soda aisle when each brand has 23 versions? I have one word for the world’s soda bottlers. Less.

•I’m over pop-up ads that block what you’re reading online, and then it takes forever to find the clickpoint to close the things.

•Aren’t you over elaborate campaigns for new drugs addressing just-discovered health crises like “restless leg syndrome”?

•I’m completely over athletes who still try to sneak steroids. Gentleman, do some push-ups.

•I’m also over every female celebrity launching their own perfume, and clothing, line.

•And I’m completely over people like Nikki Hilton and Wolfgang Puck’s new young wife claiming they are bag designers. Hey, I just drew a square with a handle on it. I’m a bag designer.

•Finally, am I ever so completely, thoroughly, over Rosie.

I doubt I can top that one.

So I’m off to buy a new mouse to replace my $50 wireless Microsoft 5000.

I know how to make sure the next one’s an improvement.

I won’t spend a dime over $20.

mpatinkin@projo.com