02/27/2006 01:00 AM EST

Rationalizers: They deny their problem and maintain they're late only occasionally.

Indulgers: Run late because they give in to procrastination. They lack self-discipline and moral fiber. Should join the military.

Deadliners: Get their thrills from crisis-induced adrenaline, so they almost enjoy missing planes, trains, weddings, birthdays.

Perfectionists: Tend to be female, hence the Washington Post-style neologism "inerstrogen" to describe the state of trying on five outfits, four hairstyles and three types of lipstick while in a tearing hurry.

Rebels: Time is so bourgeois. And what better way to show your contempt for society than by freeing yourself from the shackles of the schedule. Should the revolution come, they would miss it.

Absent-minded professors: They get easily distracted en route. They're the ones who actually stop and smell the flowers.

Producers: Feel unimportant and self-medicate by overscheduling.