THE PROVIDENCE JOURNAL / tom murphy

Everyone’s anxious about the first day of school — especially parents who are sending their kids off to a new school for the first time, whether it’s preschool or high school. What can make the transition easier? We asked local educators for their top five tips for various age groups.First, though, all agreed on five basics that apply to children at every age:

• They need a good night’s sleep and a healthy breakfast. “Make sure they’re alert and attentive,” recommends Gerald Foley, principal of North Kingstown High School.

• Get into your back-to-school routine, including earlier bedtimes and wakeup times, at least a week before school starts, says Alicia Reniere-Castle, principal of the Blackrock Elementary School in Coventry, “so it doesn’t come as somewhat of a shock to your child.”

• Before school starts, try to check out the building. Find the classrooms, bathrooms, cafeteria, gym and library. And check the school’s schedule, to know when it starts and ends, as well as where buses pick kids up and drop them off.

• Educators stressed the importance of getting to know the child’s teachers, or at least staying in touch with each of their teachers, right through high school.

• It’s not uncommon for kids — and parents — to shed a tear or two, regardless of the child’s age. “Separation and change is not always easy, but remember that you are not alone,” Reniere-Castle said. “Administrators, teachers and other parents are always available as valuable resources.”

Nursery School: ‘We are the village’

Mary Ann Casavant has been dealing with nervous parents since she founded Animal Crackers Nursery School in North Attleboro 30 years ago. Her program provides nursery school, kindergarten and child care.

The main thing parents need to remember is that children this age learn through playing, Casavant said. So don’t expect the nursery school to look like a traditional classroom. “There are academic expectations for this age, and rightfully so, but I also think learning looks very different in preschool.” Other tips:

• Encourage your child to be independent when it comes to dressing, eating and using the toilet, Casavant said, “even though it may seem easier” to get involved.

• Don’t worry if your child cries when you leave. “Trust that the teachers will comfort them,” she said. In fact, she added, “You can cry too — once you’re in the parking lot.”

• Allow extra time for daily routines and don’t sweat the small stuff, like whether their clothes match. “So what if they wear polka dots with stripes?”

• Spend time in the classroom, whether doing a craft or reading to the children or helping with parent group activities. Becoming familiar with the teacher and children will help make everyone in your family feel good about preschool.

• Get to know the other families. As your child makes friends at school, you can support those friendships by arranging for playdates and get-togethers outside of school. “We are the village,” Casavant said. “This is where it’s at, in terms of meeting other families” with children the same age. And these friendships — between kids and parents — can carry on throughout the school years.

Kindergarten/ First Grade: Know what to expect

Children need to know some very basic information when they head off to kindergarten or first grade, said Celeste Bowler, director of elementary education for West Warwick public schools, including their parents’ first and last names, in case of an emergency. They also need to know exactly how they’re getting to and from school and what the routine will be, Bowler said.Other tips include:

• Bring your child to the school building before the first day, if possible, Bowler said. Some schools have open houses or orientations before school starts so kids can tour the classrooms. Others allow parents to bring their child inside to see a classroom. Call to find out your school’s policy.

• If you walk or drive your child to school on the first day, don’t hover, Bowler said. Prepare your child for this ahead of time, saying you will spend a few minutes with him or her, then you have to leave so they can “do the things (they) need to do for school.” Explain where you’ll meet them after school.

• If your child will be taking a bus to school, make sure he or she knows basic safety rules, which are similar to those in a car, Bowler said. “They need to know to sit down, not to get up, and that they can’t be running up and down the aisles.” They also should have basic identifying information available, in case the bus driver needs it. This can be written inside of a backpack.

• Discuss what the child generally should expect in the day’s routine. In addition, she said, if a child will be packing a snack or lunch, make sure he or she knows which is which — especially if they’re packed in the same lunchbox or bag. “Sometimes kids will just reach in and eat their sandwich (for snack) and then when it’s lunchtime, they’re looking around for lunch,” she said.

• Keep the lines of communication open, with your child and with your child’s school. “Some kids will tell you everything. Others will say nothing,” she noted. So instead of asking, “What did you today?”, to which many kids may say, “Nothing,” ask specific questions, such as: “What book did the teacher read today?” or “Did you do any writing?” Check your child’s backpack and folders daily for notes and papers.

Middle School: Explosive growth

Parents sending kids off to middle school need to understand what this age is all about — a period of tremendous social, emotional and physical growth, said Bill Fasano, executive director of the Rhode Island Middle School Educators. It’s also a time when students are challenged academically, with a variety of teachers in a much larger environment than they’re used to.

That’s why many middle schools create “teams,” groups of students assigned to a specific group of teachers within that grade level, Fasano said. This helps create a smaller learning environment within the larger school, which allows teachers to get to know the students better.

Other tips:

• Know the school’s policies — the dos and don’ts that range from dress codes to what behavior rates a detention. Many schools provide a handbook and require that it be signed by students and parents.

• Meet with the teachers on your child’s team as soon as possible, he said. “Get to know those teachers. That’s the key . . . really make that effort to stay in communication with the school.” Also get the name of teacher who’s the team leader, in case there’s a question or concern, he said.

• Communicate with your child. “Talk to your child about school. Ask what’s going on,” Fasano said. Remind them to hand over any notes from school and check their backpacks for others.

• Realize what incredible growth your child is experiencing. “At the middle school level, they go through the most dramatic changes — physical and emotional — that they’ll ever go through in their lives,” Fasano said. “Talk to your child, know your child, understand what they’re going through.”

• Most important of all, Fasano said, is to get involved. “Whenever there’s an opportunity for the parent to come in and visit, make sure you take advantage of that,” Fasano said. Attend orientations in spring or fall, or open houses, or parent-teacher conferences. And when the school has an activity or event, volunteer to help. That’s how to get to know the teachers, as well as the other kids.

High School: Be hands-on

If you thought communicating with your child’s teacher was important in the early years, it’s even more critical in high school, said Gerald Foley, principal of North Kingstown High School. That may seem surprising to parents, but it’s important to remember that whatever kids do in high school, whether academics or activities, contributes to their transcript. “Everything they do now prepares them for the future,” he said.

Other tips:

• Attend orientations or open houses to learn about the school, meet the teachers and ask school officials any questions you may have, from whether your child will be “lost in the shuffle” to what the school is doing to make sure your child will be safe.

• Talk to your child every day, asking how school is going and whether he or she has any problems or concerns. “Sometimes the best thing to do is listen carefully to the kids,” he said. Contrary to what some might think, he said, “Kids will talk to parents, if they have an open line of communication.”

• Check to make sure your child is keeping up with homework and other school assignments, including asking whether they’ve got homework and whether they’ve completed it. At home, check their work periodically, to make sure the quality is consistent, and monitor the results of quizzes and tests.

• Communicate with the student’s teachers, to see how he or she is doing and also to discuss any concerns; this is often done most easily via e-mail, if available. For example, if a student seems anxious or isn’t eating right or can’t sleep at night, check with the student and his or her teachers to see if there’s a school-related problem.

• The bottom line: Respect your child’s growing independence, but stay on top of things, including talking with other parents about what’s going on. “This is not the time to be hands-off,” Foley said. “It’s time to be hands-on.”

College: Don’t hover

So now that you’ve spent all of these years playing helicopter parent, hovering over your babies from nursery school through high school, staying in touch with every teacher along the way, it’s time to let go completely, said Laurie Hazard, a psychology professor at Bryant College in Smithfield. She is co-author of Foundations for Learning, which is designed to help students make a successful transition from high school to college.

“A lot of research shows parents are doing way too much hovering over their sons and daughters, to their detriment,” she said. “. . . In college, we really encourage parents to let go.”

Other tips:

• It may be too late for this year’s college freshmen, but parents need to encourage their students to do a lot of reading to prepare for their first year of college. The average high school student may be required to read 100 to 200 pages a week — and that’s a lot, she said — but the average college student is required to read 400 to 700 pages a week. That’s about two hours of sustained reading a day, which she said is a “a really, really difficult transition” for most kids.

• Work on time management. In high school, students are used to set schedules with classes six or seven hours a day. In college, they may only have three hours of class time a day. “The inclination is to say, ‘Whoo, hoo, I’ve got all this free time!’ But they really don’t.” They need to regulate their time to include chunks for reading and other assignments.

• Avoid procrastination. “It’s a human condition. Everybody does it,” said Hazard, but it’s a huge problem in college, where it’s a lot tougher to cram for a mid-term or final or get a good grade on a paper that’s done at the last minute. Consider this: If you’re required to read 700 pages a week, that’s 100 pages a day. So if you skip reading one day, you’ve got an extra 100 pages to catch up on the next day. “If you skip one day, it piles up much more quickly. It’s the pace and the volume that’s so much different from other grade levels.”

• Encourage your child to choose friends carefully. “You want to be friends with people who say, ‘Let’s go to the library’ not ‘Let’s got to a party’ the night before an exam,” Hazard said. “. . . Be really careful about the friends you make. . . .You want to surround yourself with motivated and successful people, not the pot smokers and beer pong people. For college, that’s really critical.”

•Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Even though colleges ask parents to let go of their kids, they also have lots of people and programs available to help students make the transition to independence. They’ve got lots of experience in this area, Hazard said. “They know what it takes to make a student successful.”