Q: A Charleston, S.C., grandmother recently complained that her daughter and son-in-law went on a cruise without their 3-year-old daughter. The child visited grandma but stayed with a friend. Several parents responded that the girl would be fine, and that her mom and dad needed to get away. Now the opposing side speaks up:

A: From a father and daycare operator in Buffalo, N.Y.:

“My wife and I operate a home daycare. Many of our kids are dropped off before 6 a.m., and they are not picked up most nights until after 5 p.m., five to six days a week, year round. The parents hardly see their children as it is. If parents go away on vacation, and leave their children home with family or friends, this is selfish. …

“We have four children, and when we go on vacation, they always go with us. We hear it all the time from parents, ‘Oh we can’t wait to get on our plane to Aruba, and get away from the kids.’ The same kids that you won’t come to pick up on the agreed time each evening and wait until the last possible minute before you come? The same kids who haven’t seen you all day? The same kids who seek and deserve your attention? The same kids who you can’t wait to get home, feed and send straight to bed?

“I am an old-timer. These are the kinds of parents who will think nothing of purchasing a pool, Hummer, $300 leather jacket, camper, boat, cell phone and cable TV, but when it comes down to daycare, they will always seek to find the best deal.

“What parents today don’t realize is that there is a price to pay for these big-ticket items. The price is working lots of overtime, and away from family time, and kid time. … Take your kids, or don’t go on vacation.”

A similar opinion from a mother:

“The idea of parents needing to get away from their children once in a while reflects a deep-rooted attitude that is the basis for a number of marital problems. The attitude is based in selfishness. Marriage and children require a certain amount of sacrifice that should be welcomed by parents who love their children.

“If one or both partners refuse to give up their personal needs so that the relationship can grow, there are problems.

“What a terrible feeling to think someone, especially your parents, needs their space from you. Husbands, wives and parents want to continue with all their needs and wants, regardless of who it hurts. If parents spent more time with their kids instead of running off on their getaways, maybe they would be aware of their children’s needs and problems.”

And a closing opinion from a grandmother in Doraville, Ga.:

Grandparents should be supportive instead of critical as their children raise their own families, she says. Part of that support is the joy of sharing in the care of the grandchildren.

“My daughter has a 3-year-old son and a special-needs 10-month-old daughter. My son has an infant daughter and we welcome the opportunity to care for her too,” she says.

Grandma has helped care for her grandson while his parents have taken his sister for several medical procedures. Now they are planning a trip alone, and grandma is happy for them.

“When we are caring for our grandson, the emphasis is on him and his well-being. We let him know he is loved, and that he is safe and secure,” she says. “Their parents will return renewed and happy to see their children.”Can you help?

Q: “My 5-year-old daughter was anxious about going to her first camp this summer. She did fine but cried some the first day. Now she is nervous about starting kindergarten. What about tips for reducing school anxiety?”

— A mother in Huntersville, N.C.

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