I saw an article the other day saying that outsourcing has come to the newsroom. Reuters now has reporters in India filing U.S. business stories to U.S. publications, while various newspapers here have “offshored” editing and press release rewrites to low-wage countries to save costs.

Given business realities, I figure the trend will continue until newspapers only have a few in-house journalists left to make sure the dollar-an-hour foreign writers aren’t mangling local facts.

I’m hoping I’ll be one of the in-house folks, and I’m picturing how Rhode Island stories written abroad might look when they arrive, and how I’ll have to correct the overseas reporters.

•The refurbished Dunkin’ Donuts Center opened recently to huge acclaim as thousands poured in to get a look at its $80 million facelift. With 12,000 seats, “The Dunk,” as it’s called, will by far rank as the biggest doughnut shop in the world. By comparison, the average Dunkin’ Donuts outlet only has a few tables, but . . .

“Hello? This is the Providence newsroom. ‘The Dunk’ is actually an events arena, not a doughnut shop. It’s where you go to see hockey.”

“Oh. That’s not so obvious here in Bangalore.”

“No problem. Next story, please.”

•Rhode Island’s fishing fleet, curiously, has lately expanded into a huge presence in Israel, with dozens of Rhode Island-based deep-sea draggers tied up at docks in the Jewish state. The boats are bringing in record amounts of species that Israel is not known for, like squid, flounder, monkfish . . .

“Newsroom again. Can you hear me Bangalore? I think you may have that wrong.”

“But it says the boats are home-ported in Jerusalem.”

“There happens to be …”

“And if I read it right, they do their fishing in the Sea of Galilee.”

“There’s a Jerusalem in Rhode Island. And a Galilee here, too.”

“I see.”

•The American GI, perhaps the world’s most famous soldier, will be celebrating his 45th anniversary next year, and festivities will likely be centered in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, where GIs got their start. Strangely, although American GIs are celebrated for having won World War II, most histories say they did not arrive on the scene until 1964 . . .

“Bangalore?”

“Yes.”

“I think you’re talking about GI Joe.”

“Exactly.”

“Um, GI Joes aren’t human soldiers — they’re action figures sold by the Hasbro toy company.”

“My mistake.”

•The city of Providence is being given enormous credit this month for playing a part in averting catastrophic damage to New Orleans after hurricane Gustav at the last minute took a turn and avoided a direct hit on . . .

“Newsroom here. Where are you getting your information?”

“I Googled it and got dozens of articles with quotes like, “Were it not for the intervention of providence, Gustav would have . . .”

“That’s a religious term. ‘Providence’ also means, ‘God’s hand.’ ”

“Are you sure?”

“Just send your next story please.”

•It turns out the Cuyahoga River in Cleveland — which famously caught fire in 1969 — has company. On Saturday night, yet another fire raged throughout the Providence River, presumably triggered by the same kind of floating debris and oil that caused the Cuyahoga to burst aflame decades ago. The difference is that the Providence River has now burned dozens of times during the last few years, almost always on weekend nights . . .

“It’s called WaterFire, Bangalore.”

“What?”

“It’s an artistic event where braziers above the waterline are stocked with burning wood to create an urban festival.”

“Oh.”

•A Wyoming man was arrested yesterday for stealing a half-cord of firewood from a home in the town of Hope Valley, R.I. Just why a man from Wyoming would drive over 2,000 miles across country to load a pick-up truck with pilfered wood is unclear, but the police report stated . . .

“Bangalore. Wyoming is a Rhode Island village.”

“It is?”

“Yep. It’s a few miles from Hope Valley …”

•In a fascinating insight into local culture, a survey of restaurant-goers found that cabinets and grinders are among the number-one things Rhode Islanders order when at their local eatery. Although such items are traditionally found at furniture and hardware stores, the survey clearly shows they are restaurant favorites, along with a pork dish known as stuffed quahogs, which . . . “You got many more stories coming tonight, Bangalore?

“Just a few.”

“Fine, let’s get it over with.”

•As the only two island states completely separated from the U.S. mainland by water, Hawaii and Rhode Island share . . .

“Bangalore?”

“Yes, Providence?”

“I need to take a break here. I’m heading over to Dunkin’ Donuts.”

“All right. Enjoy the hockey game.”

mpatinkin@projo.com