I read that Hillary Clinton is getting few donations to help pay off her $20 million campaign debt, half owed to herself, and half to vendors. Even Barack Obama’s request that his supporters step up has fallen flat. They’re not rushing to bail out the woman who spent months tearing Obama down. As someone who feels for Clinton, I’ve been trying to find an appeal that would work, and inspired by Rhode Island-based Plan International, which helps Third World children out of poverty, I’m pretty sure I’ve got it. So today, consider this a personal request to you:

Just as every impoverished child needs a person who cares, every indebted, vanquished candidate needs a sponsor, too.

For only $833,333 a month, you can be Hillary Clinton’s special someone.

As her sponsor, you’ll receive a welcome kit with Hillary’s photo and biography, and through letters and updates, you’ll see the difference you are making in her life.

Hillary, 60, from Chappaqua, N.Y., was well on her way to realizing her dream. She was a happy junior U.S. senator, but wanting to better herself, she decided to run for president, with the party and media establishment declaring her a shoo-in. Believing it herself, she ran as the “inevitable” nominee. This started her down a course that led to a former first lady becoming a struggling debtor.

Tragically insulated from the mood of the country, she decided to run, not on the yearning for change, but on her own Washington experience. That backfired in Iowa, where she came in third. She showed hope for recovery when, down 10 percent in the pre-New Hampshire polls, she choked up on camera in a show of humanity that rallied the women’s vote and pulled out a victory.

Still, she had no strategy beyond Super Tuesday, and felt no need to master caucuses or the Internet. Failing to heed the positives of her New Hampshire “crying” moment, her organization decided to run her, not as a woman, but as the toughest man in the race — a strategy that began years ago with her vote for the war. All of that backfired, too.

Perhaps most sadly, she felt that she could rely on big donors, but today they are all maxed out, so I’m asking if you could be the one to sponsor Hillary.

You no doubt have questions, so let’s get to them.

How much does my sponsorship of Hillary cost?

Just $833,333 a month! Your generous donations will help Hillary pay off her debt in time to rebuild a war chest for a future presidential run, which she hopes to undertake soon on the bet Obama will lose after her middle-age white female supporters vote for John McCain out of spite because they’re still angry a few TV journalists made sexist comments during the primary.

Where does my money go?

Traditional contributions to needy Third World children go to such mundane things as nutrition, vaccinations, health clinics, water systems and schools. Your monthly dollars to Hillary will underwrite far more compelling needs, such as conflict-resolution sessions for her top campaign staff, most of whom continued infighting to the end.

You’ll have the satisfaction of paying off the multimillion debt to Hillary’s fired campaign guru, Mark Penn, who, by the looks of him, is struggling to survive on 20,000 calories a day. Your sponsorship will fund a badly needed anger-management program for Bill Clinton, who by all accounts is still furious.

Admittedly, you’ll be doing the less fulfilling work of paying off hard-working white people, like Jo Liston of Harlingen, Texas, who was quoted last week saying her tour company is still owed $650 for providing a van and minibus for a Clinton event. “They’re broke. I understand that,” said Liston, “but I would assume people should pay their debts. That’s what most people do.”

Far more satisfying will be the knowledge that you will help the Clintons, who earned $109 million since Bill left office, get back the $10 million they loaned their campaign.

There’s also this stirring thought: Even though poor planning landed Hillary in a catastrophic financial mess, your help could one day put her back in a position to try to fix our economy.

How long will my sponsorship last?

At $833,333 a month, you will be expected to keep giving for two years to help pay off the full $20 million Hillary owes. But we hope you will be part of your sponsored candidate’s life for some time, giving the maximum-allowed $2,300 to each future Hillary campaign, and telling your friends to go to HillaryClinton.com to donate as well.

As a sponsor to an indebted-candidate, what do I receive?

A photo and personal profile on the high points of Hillary’s journey, including the times she ducked sniper-fire in Croatia, single-handedly made peace in Northern Ireland, and became a rifle-toting duck hunter as a child. This personal profile will be created by Mark Penn’s firm, and therefore, in keeping with his standard billing practices, could cost you an additional $100,000.

Can I visit my sponsored candidate?

You will indeed be encouraged to make a sponsor visit to Hillary in her village of Chappaqua, but be mindful that field visits always carry risks; in this case, as hinted at above, her husband is prone toward outbursts, especially if you say anything positive about Barack Obama.

Our thanks in advance if you feel you are the one to sponsor Hillary, and if the total of $833,333 a month seems daunting, just remember, it’s only $27,777 a day!

Call now. Be her special someone.

mpatinkin@projo.com