If you were able to peek at the news 10 years from now, I’m guessing these are some of the stories you’d find:

• There were new rumors yesterday of sightings of Osama bin Laden in the nation of Anbar, one of three countries, along with Kurdistan and the mostly-Shiite Basra, that Iraq recently divided into.

• Another demonstration was held in front of the U.S. mint by an organization lobbying to bring back the discontinued penny.

• Despite sea-rise from global warming having now left 6 percent of Bangladesh underwater, with parts of East Boston and Miami battling coastal encroachment, Rush Limbaugh continued to call it a hoax by liberals.

• Caroline Kennedy started her second year as America’s first woman president after her heralded rise through two terms of the Obama administration first as informal policy advisor, and ultimately to secretary of state, followed by her dramatic campaign against Hillary Clinton to become the 2016 Democratic nominee.

• In a shocking new trend, celebrities have begun to get married before having children, with some describing the decision as “the new black.”

• More shocking, many of those same celebrities have started giving their kids names like Steve and Mary, with one Hollywood watcher explaining that the days of Suri, Rumer and Maddox are “so over.”

• In the five years since baseball at last began enforcing zero-tolerance on performance-enhancing substances, no player has hit more than 49 home runs in a season. When asked for comment, Barry Bonds, still on parole after his three-year sentence, declined.

• United Airlines, the last remaining non-discount carrier, announced this week it will begin charging extra for aisle seats and overhead bins with graduated ticket surcharges for the forward 15 rows. Meanwhile, Southwest Airlines, which has almost no special charges and allows schedule changes with minimum penalties, announced it now has 70 percent of the U.S. air travel market.

• With navigation systems virtually universal in all cars, no one can remember the last time anyone pulled over to ask for directions.

• As a result of players tripping over them, the NBA officially ruled that basketball shorts can no longer extend below the knee.

• Only 20 percent of readers still get the print edition of their morning newspaper, with 48 percent downloading digital versions onto laptops or magazine-sized electronic readers, and, in yet another worrisome trend for journalists, over 30 percent now auto-receive the “cell-briefing” synopsis package on their mobile phones.

• Meanwhile, YourHood.com, the uber-local web-based national news site that boasts separate content for each zip code in America, now gets 10 times as many daily hits as NewYorkTimes.com

• In a test of a new law that has pitted privacy and health advocates against each other, three Chicago women were arrested for smoking in their own cars while carrying children as passengers.

• The five-year-old McSushi franchise opened its 3,000th restaurant yesterday, becoming the fourth biggest chain after Wendy’s, McDonald’s and Burger King.

• Saying they were inspired by the seedless watermelon, a team of bio-geneticists yesterday announced the creation of the coreless apple.

• It looks like $100,000 isn’t what it used to be, with a team of economists offering a new matrix declaring that a family of four with that income should now be considered lower middle class.

• In a bit of positive news in the real estate market, housing prices have at last regained the peak 2004 values reached before the start of their decade-long decline.

• The drive that began five years ago to put tiny GPS chips under the skin of children has unexpectedly led to a dramatic decline in teen drinking parties.

• With the Z Generation coming into their own as young adults, the Mac that most have used since childhood has now reached 45 percent of computer sales, and is expected in a few years to pass 50 percent and outpace the declining PC.

• In an almost symbolic coincidence, just as the average cost of a gallon of gasoline passed the $12 mark yesterday, a new line of electric cars has been launched by Ford Motors, now a wholly-owned subsidiary of Toyota.

• If you’re looking for a midnight snack at a motel, leave the cash in your room. Credit-card-only vending machines now account for 90 percent of those in public use.

• Free Wi-Fi continues to spread, and it’s now common to see fans in ballpark bleaches watching replays on their Macs, women working on laptops while getting their hair done and bandaged patients downloading songs while waiting in emergency rooms.

• With the success of the iTV, iCamera and iPlay video game console, Apple’s market value has passed $500 billion.

• Having held out for the sake of tradition, AT&T has at last announced it will join other carriers and phase out its tiny landline division.

• Blockbuster has closed its last video stores, with the battle for movie rentals now being played out between NetFlix and its new upstart rival PhoneFlix.

• Vehicle accidents marked another dramatic drop last year as mandatory collision-avoidance technology and start-canceling breathalyzer devices proved themselves valuable lifesavers.

And finally:

• All smiles, Bill Clinton greeted a throng of reporters waiting for him to emerge from his third month-long stay at Hollywood’s Mel Gibson Anger Management Clinic. But when asked about a new poll of historians declaring the Obama administration more successful than his own, he grew red-faced and yelled, “Give me a break ... that’s nothing but a fairy tale.”

mpatinkin@projo.com