01:00 AM EDT on Thursday, August 18, 2005

BY GAIL CIAMPA
Journal Food Editor

NEWPORT -- We were so, so very excited when, from afar, we spied people sitting on a terrace at the Chanler inn above the Cliff Walk.

My friend K and I were in search of an outdoor lunch in Newport as we drove along Memorial Boulevard from Middletown. We were considering Christie's or the Mooring, but when it looked like we could dine on the oceanfront, we took a quick left into the parking lot of Newport's newest luxury hotel.

We hoped K's friend D, who was in her Volkswagen behind us, noticed our quick blinker and would follow us, as she was going to be joining us for lunch.

In the parking lot, D, an Aquidneck Islander, warned us not to get our hopes up, as the Chanler didn't offer outdoor dining and what we'd seen could have been a private party.

So we sent K up to check it out before we left our air-conditioned cars for nothing.

"They started serving a few weeks ago," she raved as she returned to us. "Let's go!"

A hostess told K we were welcome to enjoy a lunch from the bar menu on the Terrazza, which is the name of the outdoor restaurant. So the three of us climbed the few stairs to the picturesque terrace.

It was stunning, with greenery all around and swirling ceiling fans hanging from the wood roof, and the big blue ocean in front of us. Sitting down at a glass-topped table, we thought we had traveled back in time. It seemed like we were sitting in old-time Havana, sipping sophisticated cocktails while fans cooled us.

The mood of the spot, however, was a different story.

Let me explain.

Watermelon martini not cool

Our cocktails arrived, ordered from the "Signature Libations" menu. I had a West Indies rum punch that couldn't have been better. Served in a tall highball glass, it was full of tropical fruit tastes of orange, pineapple and guava. Enhanced by just the right amount of dark rum, it would have been just as refreshing without the alcohol.

Also refreshing, and pretty in purple, was a lavender lemonade. The bottom of the glass was the lavender color and at the top, the yellow of the lemonade. Limoncello was the liqueur.

Less impressive was a watermelon martini, which, while beautifully pink and served from a chilled cocktail shaker, had an artificial taste almost like SweeTarts. We blamed the house sour mix, too, for an overpowering and not very pleasant flavor. And we wondered if powdered sugar and egg whites added anything to the Ketel One vodka drink.

The bar menu notes complimentary truffled popcorn dusted with Parmesan, cracked peppercorns and white truffle oil. After having our cocktails for a few minutes, I asked our server if we might be served our popcorn. How perfect they would be as a pair.

"No," our server told us.

She said she would only serve it after the meal so as not to ruin our appetites.

Imagine! Is she my mother? No, she's not my mother. My mother would never say that. She always served popcorn as an appetizer.

People will be people

Somewhat deflated, we sipped and gabbed and enjoyed watching the surfers in the water at First Beach. We were a bit distracted by the muscle-T-shirted man with the hairy arms sitting near us with his feet up on the half wall. But people will be people, even at the exclusive Chanler, where a room rents for hundreds of dollars a night.

Soon I went off in search of the ladies' room. I was escorted there personally by the hostess and found it to be the lap of luxury: porcelain sinks, individual water closets, cloth towels, and a flat-screen television showing me the latest weather reports.

But I hurried back to the table not wanting to miss my Kobe beef burger. The Chanler's burger had been rated Number 3 on GQ magazine's list of the "20 Hamburgers You Must Eat Before You Die," a story by Alan Richman that appeared in the July issue.

Kobe beef is considered the most exclusive beef in the world. Kobe is the shipping point for beef from elsewhere in Japan. The beef comes from an ancient stock of black-haired Japanese cattle raised with strictly controlled diets that include sake and beer mash. Each animal reportedly gets a daily massage. All this is meant to create beef that tastes like butter.

I needn't have worried about getting back in time, as we waited quite a while for our meals to arrive.

The terrace had filled up, and several suited managers appeared, apparently to help the two servers, who now seemed overwhelmed. However, the managers' presence seemed to have the opposite effect, as everyone from our server to the water-pourer seemed to become jittery.

The managers seemed to be watching everyone and everything, hands clasped behind their backs. I was jotting down notes, and even I thought I felt eyes boring upon me.

Yet, with all this extra manpower on the scene, no one asked us how our meals were. No one inquired why our watermelon martini was left undrunk, or why we barely touched one of our desserts. We also had to ask twice for ice for our water, which was offered lukewarm on a day when the temperature was rapidly climbing past 90 degrees. When we finally got it, it was just a few small cubes in a glass without a spoon or scoop. Were we to dump it into our water glasses? And since when did ice become a commodity to hoard?

One excellent burger

My burger's belated arrival was a high point. With a perfectly round roll that kept its crustiness with every bite, the burger was a beaut.

Cooked perfectly medium, it was plump, juicy and buttery, made even better by the topping of tomato-onion jam. This was caramelized onions sweetened to the point of decadence, dotted with perfectly crushed cherry tomatoes, no seeds in sight. A thin layer of Cheddar cheese provided just the right creaminess to contrast with all the sweetness.

Homemade potato crisps -- thin like potato chips but not oily -- were served in lovely silver cups.

The burger cost $25, and while that price is high, it was indeed special.

The seafood club ($24) was an amazing take on the club sandwich, with smoked salmon, shrimp, applewood bacon, tomato and avocado. Tarragon mayo finished it off nicely. The fish was fresh and thinly sliced, and the bacon smoked and crisp. There was just enough avocado and lettuce.

Disappointing was K's native lobster salad. Living as we do in New England, we expect a lobster salad to be perfect, but this version was austere at best.

It included a plate of baby greens topped with lobster meat from an extremely small tail and a small claw. (Where was the other one?) K said she'd seen bigger shrimp than this poor lobster.

It had been sprayed with truffle emulsion, to K's dismay. She'd quite reasonably been expecting a mayonnaisey dressing. The "lobster salad" was $32.

K won the dessert prize, though, with the day's best, an espresso panna cotta, creamy and rich and served with a lemon cream sauce and lemon pistachio biscotti. It was served in a huge white bowl, which had the effect of making the actual food look miniature in scale. But it was a nice helping.

Though our server had recommended that we try the chocolate raspberry torte, it did not turn out to be the chocolately treat she promised. It tasted more like a petit four, cloyingly sweet and dry. It didn't seem to us to have been made that day.

As our check was delivered, I asked again if we might have our complimentary popcorn. Don't promise me something and not deliver! It came in a little black box and was cheesy and peppery -- and way too late. It would have been great with drinks, not with the remains of French-press coffee and dessert.

Sometimes mother -- or a place that bills itself as offering fine dining -- doesn't know best.

Details, details

The Terrazza at The Chanler, 117 Memorial Blvd., Newport. (401) 847-1300. www.thechanler.com. Breakfast served 7 to 11 a.m.; lunch 11 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., dinner 5:30 to 9:30 p.m. Upscale casual. No highchairs. No reservations. Three or four steps up to the Terrazza. V, MC, AE, DIS. Free parking in lot. The bar menu includes 11 items, from $14 for a salad to $32 for lobster salad. Desserts cost $9. The cocktail list has drinks from $9 to $11. Extensive list of wines available by the glass and bottle.

Bill of fare

Lunch for two at the Terrazza at The Chanler might look something like this:

Lavender lemonade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9

West Indies rum punch. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . $9

Kobe beef burger. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $25

Seafood club. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..$24

Espresso Panna Cotta. . . . . . . . . . . .. . $9

Chocolate raspberry torte . . . . . . . . . . . $9

2 coffees. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . $8

Tax . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . $7.44

Tip . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . $18

Total . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . $118.44